Devil in Disguise
by LTRfanLP
Summary: Begin S2. An emotionally messed up Peyton gets caught into Chris Keller's web. She tries to hide their sexcentred relationship for her friends but then one night changes all. How will people, and especially Lucas, react? LucasPeytonChris
1. Chapter 1

**Devil in Disguise**

**Summary:** Begin S2. An emotionally messed up Peyton falls into the arms of Chris Keller. She succeeds in hiding their sex-centred 'relationship' until one event changes all. How will people, and especially Lucas, react? LPC

1. The Haley/Chris tour thing won't happen. They do work together though.

2. There is no Anna or Felix.

3. There's no Jake

4. Brooke quickly gave Lucas a second chance and they got back together.

* * *

CHAPTER 1

I slowly open my eyes when the first rays of sun fall on my pillow. They shouldn't. For some reason, Chris likes to sleep with the curtains open. I always tell him to close them but he simply ignores me. So every day, for a month now, I have woken up at sunrise. It's just one of the many annoyances I suffer in a day.

In an attempt to get some more sleep, I turn my head away from the light source only to see a wrapped box on the pillow next to me. Immediately, I'm wide awake. Didn't I tell him not to buy me anything?

In case you don't know … it's my birthday today. I don't want it to be a big deal, Chris knows that. Everyone knows that. Sometimes I wonder if he does these things on purpose, just to piss me off. I throw the white sheets of my body and grab the gift. Irritated, I walk downstairs to see him munching away on a slice of toast, as if he doesn't know he did something wrong.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I yell while waving the box in the air.

With slow movements, he looks up from today's paper. I wish my dad wouldn't subscribe to that thing anymore, maybe Chris would leave sooner than.

"Good morning, Chris. Good morning, babe and a _happy birthday_," he simulates a conversation "How did you sleep? I sl-"

"Cut the crap," I stop him mid-sentence "This is _just sex_. We're not a couple. **Just sex!**"

"And that," he points to the box I'm holding "is just a present."

A present isn't just a present. Buying gifts equals kind gestures which equal emotions and emotions are the beginning of more than sex. Doesn't he understand that? Presents eventually lead to a relationship and I don't want that. Not with him, not with anyone.

"Chris…" I sigh.

"Just open it," he orders with a smirk. _The _smirk. What is he up to?

"You bought me a _vibrator_?" I cry out when the shiny blue paper comes off. "Ewww…"

"Actually, it's a whole assortment," he informs while walking over to me. "It even has a whip and handcuffs."

"You're disgusting."

Even though I mean what I say -he's a complete and utter perv- I can't help but crack a smile. Typically Chris to buy me _sex toys_ for my birthday.

"That's not what I heard yesterday when you were crying out my name and _begging_ for more," He answers the death-glare I shoot him with fake- innocent puppy eyes and a pout. "So, what do you think? Wanna try it out?"

"Tempting but…no," I answer "Besides, you need to go."

"Why?"

"Because, just like yesterday and the day before, my car is still in repair and Lucas's driving me to school. He can't see you here."

"When are you gonna get over your shame for me, babe?"

"Never. And don't call me 'babe'."

"Come on, you know you want me." He glances at his watch "I see we still have plenty of time so… first the whip?"

"Chris!" I cry out.

"You're right, what was I thinking? The handcuffs sound much better, right?"

My eyes pop; he's unbelievable.

"I do want you, Chris… to go away!"

"Oh," he grabs his chest "that hurts! It's OK though… I know that deep down, you love me, you just don't want to admit it to yourself," he speaks dramatically "But at night, you think back about the day I came at Trick for the f-"

"Yes, I'll never forget that day, even though _God knows,_ it really isn't from lack of trying."

Chris didn't immediately have a comeback. Sawyer-Keller: 1-0.

"Now," I continue more serious "I really need to get ready for sch-"

"OK, OK…" he finally starts to move towards the door "tonight at 7?"

"Yes. **Bye** Chris."

"Don't hide my present! We're going to need it…"

"**Go!**"

* * *

After the last bell signal, I came to the conclusion that all my friends forgotten my birthday. Sure, I said I don't want it to be a big deal yet a 'Happy Birthday' is the least, no? But apparently they were to busy with themselves and their sickening love stuff. Go in photo boots together and take long walks along the beach. Puke. Anyway, they do and forget what they want but they shouldn't expect me to come with them tonight to Salinger.

* * *

"So...Is everything ready for her surprise party?" 

"Almost…" Brooke answers "except I need that stuff…You know, it makes balloons float.

"Helium?"

"Yes…" she smiles and pulls Lucas' lips into hers "You're so smart."

Immediately after their kiss, the brunette concentrates on her arrangements again.

"So, you go pick her up at eight? Together with Haley?"

"Yeah."

"I guess than the only thing that I still need to take care of is…"

"Helium," Lucas helps her again.

"Right, _helom_."

* * *

Silently, me and Haley open her back door and walk into Peyton's house. We acted like we forgot her birthday today. Peyton tried to hide it but I could tell she was pissed. It wasn't my idea, by the way, the surprise party. It was Brooke's. I tried to explain her that Peyton doesn't like to make a big deal out of her birthday but the problem is…Every time I talk about her, Brooke becomes suspicious about my feelings for her, even though I've literally _declared _my love for her time and time again. Those declarations weren't a lie, I adore Brooke. She's light and funny but to tell the truth, even if I _didn't _love her, I'd still beg her to stay with me because maybe if we broke up, I would be confronted with my feelings for Peyton again. That thought scares me. _She_ scares me. Not as a friend, but as a lover; she was the first girl to break my heart. Or better: rip it out and do a little rain-dance on it. 

"She's probably in her room," Haley decides when we've scanned the ground floor.

We climb the wooden stairs and head for her room; one of the darkest bedrooms I've ever seen in my life. It isn't just the black and red that makes it so dark, but also her obscure drawings. There are a few of me and _us_ in between. They aren't very cheerful but still, the fact that she hasn't taken them down means she hasn't completely forgotten about what we once had, right? I wouldn't want her to forget.

Softly, Haley pushes her door open. The revealed sight burns my eyes. Peyton, completely naked, sitting and _moving_ on top of first-class asshole Chris Keller. Voluntarily! Although…are those handcuffs on her pillow?

"Peyton?" Haley cries out.

I'm too shocked to speak. Even more, I simply turn around and head for her bathroom.

* * *

"Oh, my God," I gasp out and roll of Chris' body. What the hell are they doing here? I told them I wasn't going out tonight. Why did they never listen to me? 

Haley stares at us even more perplexed when Chris, or should I say _Satan_, smirks at her. I think he's actually enjoying this!

Quickly, I slip into my Ozzy shirt and jeans. In that time, Lucas has already run away. This reminds me of the time when I caught him with Brooke. Even though I hate to admit it, the shock but mostly the _hurt_ in his eyes gave me a slight feeling of satisfaction. I know; I'm a bitch.

"**Lucas?**" I call him in vain. Soon, I figure out he's in my bathroom, where not so very pleasant noises sound. I enter.

"Are you ok?" Softly, I lay my hand on his back.

A while ago, I read in some magazine that not only over-eating or sickness can make you throw up but also a huge shock though I had never seen someone do that yet. Up until now, that is.

"How long?" he asks with pale lips.

"About a month."

'Coincidentally', around the time he got together with Brooke.

"H-h- how?"

"Ummm…" this isn't actually something I want to explain, and especially not to him but I decide to do anyway "do you remember when my dad called and told me he wasn't going to be home for another two months?"

"Y-" he clears his throat and stands up, but his normal colour hasn't returned yet. "Yes."

"Well, it wasn't only that but also with the cocaine… I kind of broke down. I needed comfort and Chris was just at the right place and the right time. It was a moment of weakness."

"That was **one **moment, Peyton!" he raises his voice "But how many times have y-"

"Oh, _hundreds_ and _hundreds_ of times since then," Chris says while joining us "I've slept here practically every day for a month. You can't get enough of me, can you babe?"

And then he slaps me on the ass! That guy... Always ready to make things worse.

"Chris, please…" I hiss. "This is **not** the time to joke. Could y-"

"But… I drove you to school for the past week," Lucas mumbles.

"Yeah, she always sent me away before you came," Chris explains. "It was pretty close Tuesday, wasn't it?" he then addresses me.

I bow my head. This was painful. "Chr-"

"Just when I jumped into my car, yours pulled up in front of her porch."

I feel Lucas' eyes shooting a cross of disappointment and disbelief my way. It hurts.

"Anyway, I have to go check up on Haley," Chris announces. "When I left her there, she was still recovering from seeing my hotness in its full glory."

"Luke…" I softly begin when trouble in carnation has left the room "I'm so s-"

"We have to go to your surprise party," he coldly cuts me off "so act surprised."

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews! It's more fun to write if you get them so I just want to say to all the reviewers that you guys are amazing!

* * *

CHAPTER 2 

It has been a week since Lucas and Haley caught me with Chris. I explained Haley and Nathan how I had gotten into this and off course Brooke asked if he is good in bed. A stupid question really. I didn't keep doing it with Chris over and over again because he's my ain true love. Anyway, the day after the party, I ended things with him to avoid a fall-out with Lucas.

Everyone quickly forgot all about my little affaire. Except for Lucas.Today at school was the first time in a week he spoke to me. I told him whatever was going on between me and Chris was over and that I was sorry that he had to see us together. He accepted my apology and tonight, the five of us were all going to the movies together.

So I guess everything's back to normal, right? No major consequences have followed my actions. I should be happy. Weird thing is, I kind of have this empty feeling since I 'broke up' with Chris. The little things about him that annoyed me like the opened curtains, the way he always spills half a litre water next to the coffee machine and how he wrong-folds the paper…I kind of miss them now. Just a bit but still… I guess it means I'm very lonely. Nothing more. He, on the other hand... Every time we're together at Tric, I see him with a new slut…uh, I mean, _girl_.

"Sawyer," a deep, male voice calls me "Where's Haley? She should've been home thirty minutes ago."

"In the back with Chris."

* * *

"Haley, are you almost done?" Nathan asks. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I lost track of time but we've just finished rehearsing the last song." She stands up from the couch were she and Chris are sitting, walks over to Nathan and pulls him in a short but sweet kiss. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom now and then we're off, OK?"

With that, she leaves Chris and Nathan alone.

"What are you looking at?" Nathan snaps when he feels Chris' eyes resting on him thoughtfully.

The musician looks down and bites his lip, which causes Nathan to frown. Is Chris Keller embarrassed?

"I've got a problem," he answers.

"What? What kind of problem?"

Chris looks down at his crotch. "A man problem."

"Ewww, come on man…Don't tell me that," Nathan says while turning his head away disgusted.

"It's not like that" Chris sighs. "No diseases. It just…you know. It's _defective_."

"Oh." A frown follows his surprise "but all these girls I've seen you with…Didn't you _do it_ with them?"

Every time Nathan dropped by at Tric for Haley, he saw Chris with someone new and each time, it was a hot girl so this 'problem_'_ of his was weird. Really weird.

"Are you deaf? I can't," he lowers his voice to a whisper "get it up. I haven't had sex with any of them. Because I can't!"

"But…_How_?"

"I don't know but it's scaring the living shit out of me. I'm nineteen and _impotent_." Chris Keller didn't cry but that last sentence came out in a wail. "What should I do?"

"All set!" The men suddenly hear from the corridor.

"Don't tell anyone or I'll kill you," Chris hissed before Haley entered.

"I won't," Nathan assured him. Even though he didn't like Chris, he realized this wasn't something to tease him about. This was serious. He couldn't imagine this happening to him. It _always_ worked with him and Haley.

Not long after Haley and Nathan leave, Peyton walks in.

"_God_, Chris," she complains "You always make such a mess!"

"Hey, Haley was here too!"

"Oh, does Haley smoke, then?" Peyton holds up an empty pack of cigarettes; she found loads of those in the past month.

Annoyed, she bows over him to straighten the pillows and brush out the crumbs. Chris scans her slender body. She's wearing a deep-cut, black top which contrasts beautifully with her golden hair. And those legs…they seem to go on forever. Her anger only adds to her attractiveness. Luckily for him, Peyton doesn't notice the way his deep-blue eyes almost fall in her cleavage. Suddenly, those same eyes look down and Chris smirks.

"What are you smiling about?" Peyton asks suspiciously.

"Nothing." He stands up and throws on his coat. "Thanks for curing me, babe."

Then Chris heads off to have sex. Because it's been a week. Quickly, he finds a girl he had met a few months ago, named Melissa, willing. However, unlike what he has expected, he again isn't turned on enough which _first_ embarrasses him and then makes him think about Peyton. It worked with her earlier and the weird thing is…she wasn't even naked; just there.

* * *

I don't know why we chose to sit like this. From left to right you've got Nathan, Haley, Brooke, Lucas and then me. Nathan and Haley haven't seen a thing of the movie yet; they're all over each other and that makes Brooke want to be all over Lucas. 

"Brooke…I'm trying to watch the movie." I hear Lucas' whispering. "You should too. It's very interesting."

I glance to the left where Brooke leans back with a pout before pointing my attention to the screen again. That was strange...Which guy prefers seeing Jack Nicholson's naked butt to making out with Brooke Davis?

* * *

Brooke thinks I don't want to make out with her because of the film. That isn't true. The real reason is _Peyton_. Ever since I caught her with Chris, I've been devoured with jealousy. I think about her the whole goddamn time and I can't even kiss Brooke without recalling Peyton and Chris' naked bodies and be disgusted. Every time I looked into her hazel eyes this week, I saw that bastard smirking at me. My aversion was so bad that I couldn't bring myself to talk to her until today. Seeing them having sex truly scarred me for life but it also opened my eyes. I will always love Peyton. I want and _need_ to be with her. 

So I guess I have to split up with Brooke but… breaking up with her doesn't means Peyton and I will get together and that's why I am holding off the boat for a while. I know, I know… It's kind of a jerky move but I'll end things with Brooke soon. Promise.

Slowly, I rip my eyes away from the screen and rest my gaze on Peyton. I wonder if she's still in love with me too?

"Stop looking at her!" Brooke suddenly hisses at me; slapping my arm.

Awkward. I see Peyton act like she hasn't heard Brooke. She just fixes her eyes on the screen. All of us do. Except for Haley and Nathan then, who are sliding of their seats as we speak. Talk about two people who should get a room.

Yet also they look up a little bit later when Brooke furiously grabs her purse and storms out of the theatre. Apparently, I was looking at Peyton again. Quickly, we follow her out of the theatre with me leading and not much later, I and Brooke are bickering on the street. The rest watches us as we have one of our many fights.

* * *

"Don't talk to me, Lucas!" Brooke yells. "I never wanna see you **again**! WE'RE OVER!" 

Uh-oh. Either this is her impulsiveness or they were having a bit of trouble in their relationship before this evening. Lucas doesn't follow her when she runs to her car. To me, it seems he doesn't really care but I'm apparently the only one who thinks so. Haley glances at him sadly and Nathan gives him a pat on the back.

"I'm sorry man," he compassionately says.

"We're going home, is there anything we can do for you?"

"No, Hales, I'll be fine," Lucas answers.

"Are you sure?"

"Go. Really, I'm OK," he assures them.

"And you, Peyton? Don't you need a ride?"

Yes, that's right. My car _still_ isn't fixed. Apparently, a certain part needed to be replaced and Keith couldn't immediately get his hands on it so he had to order it and unfortunately, it hasn't arrived yet.

"I'll bring her home," Lucas says.

Less then two minutes later, we sit in his car.

"Never a night in Tree Hill without drama right?" I joke. He softly smiles but doesn't look at me. Maybe I'm wrong and he _is_ upset about what happened. "Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yeah...I haven't seen things this clearly in a while, actually."

When he's blue eyes lock with mine, I realize he's referring to me and off course, I begin to blush. The effect this boy has on me is unbelievable; I love him with all my heart but I hope he sees this isn't possible yet. We can't put Brooke through…_us_ a second time and so quickly.

"Thanks for driving me home, Luke," I say as his car pulls up in front of my house.

"You're welcome."

He begins to look at me as only he can, so intense, so soul-protruding. Quickly, I step out of the car. I don't trust myself with him and the last thing I'd want to happen right now is for us to do something stupid and for example, kiss. It's too soon.

"See you tomorrow!" I shout.

* * *

When I step through my always open backdoor, into the kitchen, I see a wrong-folded paper lying on the table. 

"Chris?" I call him. And indeed, there he is; on my couch, watching TV.

"Good evening, babe." Obviously, he isn't going to stop calling me 'babe' any time soon so I decide to stop protesting against it. He holds up his soda. "Want some?"

"What are you doing here, Chris? We decided to stop this and that includes hmmm, _I don't know_…you **not** hanging around in my house?"

"Correction." He stood up and neared me. "_You_ decided to not do it anymore. I really didn't have a say in it…"

"So?" I ask unimpressed. This is my life, my house. I can decide what I want.

"So… you've _damaged_ me."

"Listen, I know you always act kind of retarded but you're really making a special effort today, aren't you?"

"I'm not saying I have feelings for you…" Feelings? Huh? What is he talking about? "but apparently, other girls don't get to me anymore," he ignores my insult. "That's _your _fault. You screwed me up and now you're the only one who can fix me so…"

Without warning, he slams his mouth into my lips. His tongue slips into my mouth and for a moment, I give in. That is, until I come to my senses and pull away. He's the devil. But on the other hand…It's kind of nice to have someone around the house and he makes me laugh. Quickly, I shove the positive side away. This is wrong. Everyone thinks so and they're right.

"No," I firmly say.

But he just does it again and with even more passion and fervour. His kisses and touches are very greedy, almost desperate, like he hasn't had sex in ages or something. It doesn't take long before he lifts me up and instinctively, I wrap my legs around his waist, letting him lead me upstairs.

* * *

That night, Chris can't sleep. He has once again had amazing sex with her and that scares him to death. Why precisely this blonde and not someone else? With his hand supporting his head, he watches her body rise and fall together with her breathing. Thoughtfully, he runs his fingers over her bare back, which makes Peyton slowly turn around. 

"Shouldn't you be opening my curtains or flooding my kitchen?" she asks teasing, the usual way they address each other.

"You don't like that."

Peyton's awake at once, almost shocked. Since when did Chris care about what she liked?

"You see, it's happening already," she then jokes.

"What?"

"You're falling in love with me."

"You know, I just saw a pig fly and that hot weather girl earlier reported hell froze over so yeah, that's quite possible. Chris Keller…" he then glances at Peyton meaningfully "doesn't fall in love."

"Well, good because this," she moves her finger back and forward between their bodies "won't last."

"_Good_."

A silence follows.

* * *

"Brooke broke up with Lucas," I break the silence. "Tonight, when we went to the m-" 

"And what makes you think I care about your high school drama? Is it the bored expression on my face, maybe?"

I pout. Normally he listens to my 'drama' and gives annoying comments."It's just that…Never mind."

"What?" he yanks his head my way "You don't still love him, do you?"

Now he makes me feel stupid because I _do_ still love him.

"I can't help it," I respond sheepishly "I think I'll always love him, really. I just get him and he gets me."

"You know, you don't have _any_ self-respect. If he's such a good guy, then why did he hook up with your b-"

"Chris!" I cut him off angered. "What the hell's going on with you tonight?"

"I just don't like that guy, OK?"

I could see the thoughts brooding in his head and than, suddenly; he rises from the mattress. "I have to go." With angered movements, he begins to put his clothes on.

"No," I protest and grab his arm. Alright…now where did that come from? Maybe I want him to stay because I like to wake up with the knowledge that there's someone downstairs waiting for me but a part of me -and I hate to admit it- simply missed him this week. "Let's not talk anymore, OK? Just sleep. _Please_."

He sighs and falls down on his pillow again. "OK."

* * *

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 

Be sure to tell me what you think!

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I posted it twice already but then took it down for some minor adjustments so sorry for people who have put my story on alert...Anyway, thanks for the reviews and keep 'em coming! ;)  


* * *

  
CHAPTER 3 

I scan the library until my eyes stumbled upon the golden bunch of curls I was looking for. Peyton. Silently, I take a seat opposite of her.

"Hey."

"Hi, Luke," she whispers back while looking up from her drawing. The pinkish blush that appears on her face betrays she has picked up the hints I've been dropping the past days. About how I feel about her, about what I want with her. I can tell she feels the same. OK, that sounds a bit cocky but I don't know...Sometimes I feel like I can read her thoughts by just looking at her.

However I also feel something is holding her back. I guess that something is Brooke, who –by the way- has been treating me like a total piece of shit since our break-up. If it weren't for me explaining that it's entirely my fault this time- not Peyton's- she would've probably been the same way to her. Although it's really not my _fault __…_I simply love her, it's not something I can help.

"Don't you have basketball practice? I mean, don't get me wrong, I enjoy your comp-"

"Yeah, in a minute, I just wanted to talk to you."

"Lucas…" She senses I'm about to get into something serious and wants to avoid it. Like always. I've truly never known a girl so afraid to let people in.

"Listen," I continue. She can put up walls all she wants but I'll break them all down. "I think this has gone on long enough. Aren't you tired of waiting?" Just as she bows her head, I softly touch her hand so that she would look up into my eyes. I' m not a dumb ass; I know the way I look at people has a certain effect on them, and especially on her, even though she won't ever admit it. "I know _I _am and I just want to put all the drama of the last months behind me. Together with you, Peyt. You're the one I love. The _only_ one. I've always known that, I was just scared."

"Of what?" she carefully asks. I softly smile at her.

"To get hurt. But life's too short; I'm done hiding from what we have. I want us."

Judging from her deer-in-headlight stare, I think I've overwhelmed her a bit.

"I'll wait if that's what you want but I don't know If I'll cope much longer without you." I stand up. "See you tonight at Tric."

* * *

I pace around the club. There are two reasons my nervousness. One: Haley and Chris are performing like, in thirty-five minutes, the place's getting crowded and there seems to be a problem with the sound installation. Plus, Chris is nowhere to be found. _Two_…I think Lucas is going to kiss me and I love him and that makes me nervous and… I'm still kind of doing it with Chris. 

I know... It's very, _very _wrong. Like Pamela Anderson - winning - an- oscar- wrong but I can't help it. It's not that I'm addicted to him; it's more like he's addicted to _me_ and I think I kind of like the feeling of being someone's drug. But it has to end now.

And that's why I came to Tric earlier: to tell him I want to be with Lucas so that this is it and that we're never having sex again but like I said, he's nowhere to be seen. I've been waiting for almost two hours now.

"How are you doing there?" I ask the electrician.

"It's fixed," he announces and so lifts one of my two burdens. However, I doubt he'll kiss Lucas or break things off with Chris for me.

"Really?_ Oh_ " In my joy –or nervousness- I almost begin to cry " thank you so much…."

"Kenny."

"Kenny, you're the best." I take deep breath to suppress the nerves.

"It's OK, miss."

"The bill?"

"Will be sent in a few days, as always," he answers while moving towards the exit.

"Off course…Bye, Kenny!" I shout through the noise as he disappears through the door.

Then, I turn around and walk to the back to see if Chris is already there. They have to perform in less than thirty minutes now! Where is he, for God's sakes? With tensed steps, I walk past the different grey doors until a forceful arm grabs me and pulls me into a room. Before I realize what's happening, I'm pinned against a wall with two hands clutching my waist and lips that are attacking my mouth.

"Damn, Chris," I yell while pushing firmly against his chest. "**I'm not doing this anymore. We're over**. And you need to go to Haley! There are exactly 26 minutes left before you get up. Go!"

He just pushes me against the wall again. His one hand slides under my shirt while his other strokes my thigh. I gasp. "I just don't know how to quit you," he jokingly quotes Brokeback Mountain with a southern accent. It almost makes me smile. Almost. I'll miss that about him, his ummm..._special_ sense of humour.But then, for the first time in over month, I listen to what my mind says instead of my body. I slap his hands away unyielding and open the door.

"**I meant what I said. This is over! Forever. Now go!**" I order as forcing as possible because I don't really think he realizes I'm being dead-serious this time. Anyway, he listens. A miracle.

* * *

I'm running a bit late. On stage, Haley and Satan…uh, _Chris_ are already performing. However, they're not why I came here. The reason is standing in a dark corner, wearing a Beatles rock shirt and black All Stars. My eyes are immediately drawn to her long, firm legs, which are emphasised by a very, _very_ short jean skirt. 

"Nice legs," I softly whisper through her hair. It smells a bit like coconuts.

"You're late," she half-accusing says while facing me.

"I know. I got held u-"

"It's OK. I wouldn't have wanted you around to see my nervous breakdown."

"You had a nervous breakdown?"

"Kind of. It's a long story and it involves a three hundred pound guy."

"A three hundred pound guy?"

"Yeah," she confirms slightly nodding "Kenny."

"A three hundred pound guy named Kenny? I feel sorry for him."

And then she laughs. To be honest, Peyton doesn't laugh all that often but when she does, she lights up the room.

"So…have you thought about what I told you earlier?"

* * *

"Yes," I answer. "Lucas, I once told you that I wanted all the same things, you remember?" 

He softly smiles and tucks a curl behind my ear. "How could I forget?"

Oh, he's perfect. So, so perfect. And hot.

"Well, I still want them but" and here it comes again "Brooke…"

"We'll keep it from her for a while…Peyton," he continues when he notices I'm not convinced "do you realize how hard it is to see you and not being able to kiss or touch you? I need you."

And then he softly cups my cheek, smiling. My heart begins to beat a bit faster as his smile fades and his lips approach mine.

* * *

The crowd glances at each other non-understanding when the last tones of the guitar die out. 

"Chris… Are you alright?" Haley whispers "What's happening?"

"Nothing, I got distracted."

Quickly, he bows his head back to his guitar and reprises but can't concentrate. What the hell is happening to him? Why does it bug him so much to see her kiss him?

With a lot of trouble, he tries to point his attention on his guitar strings and Haley's voice.

Why did he feel the urge to splinter his guitar on Lucas' head? Because of Peyton? It can't be because of her, right? She's just a girl; there are plenty of those walking around. About three billion. He has probably slept with ten percent so he couldn't in a thousand years fall for just one, right? Damn! Why wouldn't this suffocating feeling go away?

* * *

I place my hand in his neck and pull Lucas closer to deepen our kiss. We explore each other's lips curiously; it's been a while since we did this but soon, it feels as it were yesterday we winded up in that motel. For a moment every sound is drowned out. That sometimes happens when you're in pure bliss but suddenly I realize everything **is** actually quiet. It's not just a consequence of my happiness so I and Lucas pull apart. Just in time to see a perplexed audience and Chris walk off stage.

* * *

I can't believe this is happening! While calling her name, I follow Peyton who's following Chris through the back exit. When we're out on the cold, dark streets, he's gone. Peyton's a couple of steps in front of me, glancing worried to the right and left. Then it hits me that Chris didn't leave the stage without a reason. 

"Peyton!"

"Yes?!" she shouts while she moves from the left to the right.

"Is he in love with you?"

"No! I mean…He told me he isn't…wasn't," she sighs. "I don't know…**Damn it**! He told me he wasn't but now I just don't know anymore." Her voice sounded jumpy, like she felt guilty or something.

"What do you mean?"

"I just teased him about it because I kind of thought he was, you know, like _falling in love_ but he said he wasn't. Oh, God," she nervously flaps with her hands "**Where the hell has he gone to?**"

Huh? When did all of this happen? Didn't they end it two weeks ago?

"Peyton…did you keep seeing him? After I caught you?"

"What?" Her attention suddenly is all on me, her hazels betray panic. I look at her protruding.

Then her mouth opens only to close almost it immediately after; she bows her head. I can tell she's ashamed but I'm not exactly going to lift that shame right now. How could she do this? The problem isn't only that she continued to sleep with him when she said she wouldn't but how couldn't she have seen that he was falling in love with her? _How?_ So stupid!

"God, Peyton," I cry out. I'm just so disappointed and angry. "Let's just forget tonight ever happened." And then she looks up.

With glazy eyes, she walks up to me and wraps her arms around me desperately.

"No...I'm so sorry Lucas; I know I don't deserve you." She pull away to stare directly at me; my face rests in her soft hands. "You're so good." She kiss the side of my forehead. This is killing me. She has made a mistake, I should be angry but that isn't possible with her lips on my skin. I want to feel her. Kiss her back.

* * *

His hands pull me closer and begin to touch my body. "And sweet." My lips move to his cheekbone. "Honest." As I shower kisses over his skin, I feel his defences weaken. "Brave." I reach his mouth and he immediately opens it, granting access for my tongue. Just seconds later, he pulls away, very sudden as if something else popped in his mind, and takes a deep breath. Then he steps a bit further. This is not good. 

"Do you have feelings for him?"

"What?" I ask upset. "No!"

"Then why did you follow him? Why do you want to find him so bad?"

I don't have an answer for that. I just felt I had too. Maybe over the weeks, I had begun to care about him, I don't know…I really, _really _don't know but I just suddenly felt very bad about kissing Lucas under Chris' eyes, like I had cheated on him or something. It doesn't make any sense. I'm very confused.

"Look, I don't know what I feel about Chris anymore. It's probably nothing. He was there when I was lonely. He gave me comfort, nothing more." I sigh. "But whatever it is, it doesn't compare with what I feel about _you_! Nothing or _no one_ does."

"Well that's just great, Peyton," he scoffs. "You know, I thought we were over all of this. I want everything with you, I want your heart!"

"But you _have_ my h-"

* * *

"All of it!" I cut her off. I turn my head away from her and ball my fists. I've truly never been this angry with her. Doesn't she see? I would go through fucking fire for her! She's my world… and then she goes off sleeping with some first-class asshole, who now is into her! And then she says that she doesn't know how she feels about him... 

"Lucas, I know I've made a mistake, I should've ended it." Then her first tears roll over her skin. "But I want you, nobody else" Her little hands clutch onto my arm. "Don't leave me. You can't do that to me."

"Why not? _You_ left _me_."

I know, _low-blow_ but I'm just so pissed off. This is a complete joke.

"Because I love you. I've loved from the first time I saw you."

Her arms wrap around my neck; her fingers run through my hair.

"You have to forgive me," she lightly sobs.

Softly, she lets her cheek stroke past mine. "You have to forgive me, Lucas." The knowledge that I'm the reason she's crying kills me. Her touches are vulnerable. Fragile. I can't resist her. My arms slowly close her waist in.

"OK... but no more lies."

"No more lies," she repeats while softly shaking her curls.

* * *

I breathe in deeply and slowly pull back. I can't believe I had almost lost him. While trembling a bit, I look up at him. He has calmed down too, I can tell. Suddenly something catches my eye. _Chris?_ I'm distracted for less than a second but Lucas notices and looks over his shoulder. The man I mistook for Chris walks past us. Lucas turns his head back in disbelief, his gaze lingering on me a bit. 

"You thought it was him, didn't you?"

By the sound of his voice, he's apparently mad again. I don't know what to do anymore. What's so bad about me thinking that man was Chris? Nothing, right? I just felt a bit guilty. But Lucas doesn't seem to think so. I don't immediately answer him so with a cold chuckle, he turns around and begins to walk away from me. Why is he so goddamn threatened and jealous? I told him I loved _him_ a hundred times and now he's acting like I declared my love for Chris because I mistook some guy for him.

"Lucas!" I shout but he doesn't listen. I could run after him and beg once again but I feel I'm not capable to. I'm emotionally drained right now.

Beaten and with red eyes, I go back to Tric. There, through the corridor walks the source of all problems with his guitar thrown over his shoulder.

"YOU!" I yell. "Where were you?"

Unbelievable, he just ignores me!

"Why did you run of that stage," I continue unstoppable and follow him "You can't just do that!"

Persistantly, he keeps ignoring me.

"Are you listening?" I insist. "Because of you, me and Lu-"

And then he turns around.

"Peyton…" This is one of the first times Chris doesn't call me 'babe' but 'Peyton'. His eyes seem angered and try their very best to reduce me to a pile of dust. "Just **shut up**."

Huh? What? Did he just tell me to shut up? I'm speechless. Without giving me another glance, he opens the door and with a bang, closes it behind him. Somewhere, I wonder if I should've just become a nun.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I really think it's what keeps us writers well...writing :p. Again, sorry that I always take it down and up again for the people who have my story on alert but I've finally discovered how to just replace it so it won't happen anymore. Cross my heart lol. Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

Dressed in merely a towel, Haley opens the door and sees Chris, who immediately walks to the kitchen without giving her a second glance. Her jaw almost drops. Did _Chris Keller_ just pass her by while she was practically naked? Where were the sexual innuendos? Has he become gay? Or a woman? 

"Nathan," he begins while plumping himself down. "I need advice."

Huh? Since when is Nathan Chris' confidant?

"Please don't tell m-"

"No, no, it's something else."

"Wh-."

Chris briefly hits Nathan's arm and turns his head to Haley, who's staring sheepishly at the scene.

"What's going on here?" she asks. The girl was in complete confusion; didn't these two hate each other?

"We're trying to have a serious man-to-man- conversation here. Make us some coffee and cookies. And give me the towel."

Immediately, Nathan punches Chris.

"Honey…What Chris meant to ask you," he then quickly adresses his wife when he sees the anger in her eyes "is if he could talk to me in private. It'll only be minute, I promise."

"OK," she reluctantly gives in; she has to put on some real clothes anyway.

"'_Honey'? ' I promise'? _I didn't know marriage involved castration."

"Well, if I talked to her like you did, we'd be divorced in no time, you pervert" Nathan snapped back. "Just tell me what's up so we can get this over and done with.

Chris stares down at his fingers thoughtful.

"You know that problem I told you about last week?"

"I try not to think about it. But," he admitted while rolling his eyes "Yes."

"I found a girl who ummmm... _fixed_ it."

"Well, that's good, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm _angry_ with her."

"Why? I'd be happy if I were you. That was a big problem. Like HU-"

"I know!" Chris sniped. "Anyway, she kissed someone else."

"Are you guys exclusive?"

"What? **No!** Djeezes, Nathan, I came here for help, not a heart-attack."

"Alright, alright...Well, do you miss her? When she's not around?"

"Yeah," he admitted with a troubled sigh "Now, how do I get rid off that feeling?"

"You can't. It's called _being in love_ you dumbass."

"**No**," he firmly said.

"How do you mean 'no'?"

"Because Chris Keller doesn't fall in love."

"Stop addressing yourself in the third person," he ordered. "And everyone falls in love. You'll just have to live with it."

"Why are you trying to _scare_ me?"

"I'm not trying to scare you, Chris," Nathan said while rolling his eyes "I'm just saying there's nothing you can do about a crush. So... who's the girl?"

"Peyton." A voice at the door opening gasped out.

"What?!? **No!**"

"Yes, it is," Haley persisted "I was wondering why you left the stage yesterday. But it's because you saw her and Lucas kissing! You looked so sad, awww that's so cute…You've got a crush on Peyton. You want Peyton. You'll love her forever and ever and e-"

"Stop saying that!"

"Yeah, stop saying that," Nathan backed him up. "You're creeping me out."

"Sorry…" she laughed as she joined them "I just thought I'd never live to see Chris Keller fall in love. This is like the end of an era."

"It's Peyton?" Nathan again asks to be sure.

"Yeah…"

"So she probably kept sleeping with you behind or backs, right?"

"What can I say…" he shortly shrugs "I'm irresistible."

"Oh djeez…" Nathan sighs. "Does Luke now?"

"I think they fought because of it. But we weren't talking about _him_ here. This is about me and I feel _horrible_!" Chris sighed while bowing his head. "I can't stop thinking about her. I need a cure…"

"Damn right I'll cure you!" Nathan said. "She's in love with Lucas, _my brother_, and he's in love with her. They've been pining over each other for ages and you'll never live up t-"

"Don't be so mean…" she lays her arm caring around Chris' shoulder. "Can't you see he's got it bad? Do you want some coffee now, Chris?"

"Yes," he accepts her offer in a pathetic-sounding voice. Haley stands up and disappears to the coffee machine.

"Cookies too?"

"Shouldn't you support your best friend instead of _him_?" Nathan asks a bit annoyed.

"But he looks so sad!" she insists. "Besides, I know how it feels; when I fell in love with you, I was upset too."

"Haley!" Nathan almost squeals. "The only reason he's sad is because he can't screw a new girl every day like before he had this...this _thing_ for Peyton."

"Hey..." Chris weakly protests. "Not _every _day."

"I'm just saying… What comes around goes around. It's called karma and in your case, it's a bitch."

* * *

Nervously, I walk into Tric. I couldn't sleep yesterday. My fight with Peyton kept spooking through my mind until I couldn't understand why I had gotten so angry at her. And jealous. She and Chris were over and everything she did or said told me how much she loved _me_, not him. If she says he was just comfort, why shouldn't I believe her? After all that we've been through, we can now finally have it. _Us_. I shouldn't let it be taken away by someone like Chris Keller. 

Speaking of the devil…there he is, playing his guitar by the stairs. I maturely chose to ignore him and lean on the bar with my elbows. Outside of us, there's nobody here, even not Peyton. I feel Chris' eyes burning a hole in my back and turn around to face him but he keeps his gaze fixed on me. Provoking. Instinctively, I walk over to him; he stands up and puts his guitar down. For a moment, we just stand there, shooting fire at each other.

"Your red shirt goes well with your eyes." It just leaves my mouth, as if I have no control over myself. I really, intensely, hate this guy.

"Thanks. It went well with Peyton's too.''

_Asshole. _

"She wore it after the second time we did it, and the seventh, and the twentieth and…well, I could go on until a hundred-something."

As if in an outer body experience, I see my fist flying into his face. Shaking the pain off my hand, I see a spurt of blood runs off the corner of his mouth. His fingers color red when he touches it. When he realizes what has just happened, he jumps from the floor and attacks me; we both fall on the ground.

"It scares you, doesn't it?" he says as we battle for the upper hand. "Her confusion?"

"Shut up!"

Just when my fist is about to fall into his face again, he rolls away. Damn… he's lean and quick. Compensate that with my strength and you understand why neither of us is able to win this fight. A few minutes later, I feel my arms weaken and his movements slackening. Finally, we break apart and fall down on the floor. Even though heavily breathing, we manage to shuffle away from each other. In a couple of hours, my face will look like a blowfish.

"I first saw her when I was about seven," I say after a while. "First grade of elementary school. Three rows in front of me. Everybody who sat behind her couldn't see the blackboard because of her hair; it was in a ponytail."

"Why are you telling me this?" he asks and turns his head my way.

"I was immediately in love. It took nine years before we first kissed."

"So?"

"I'm just asking you to leave her alone."

"You know what; I'm sick and tired of being the bad guy here. You've only got yourself to blame for this."

"_What_?"

"After every day she spent together with you and that dumbass-brunette, she came to me for comfort. I just gave her what she wanted. Over... and _over ..._and _over_ again."

"You're the devil."

"At least I don't pretend to be something I'm not." He gets up and walks to the back. "I'm going to get ice."

* * *

The wise face of Oprah. That will be my company for the coming day. Except for tonight. It's Theresa's birthday bash and she's my friend so I have to go, right? Anyway, after I spent the whole night crying -with a brief sleep break- I decided to swear off love. After what Lucas did to me...Leave me there on the streets. How could he? I gave him my heart and he stepped on it. Again. 

Oprah's speech about constant weight loss is soon interrupted by a stumbling in my kitchen. Cautiously, I take the poker and step slowly around the corner. Suddenly a figure appears in front of me; my heart almost jumps out of my chest.

"Peyt...I'm sorry about last night," Lucas began "I shouldn't have treated you like that."

"You scared me to death!"

A short silence follows.

"I'm sorry..." he then softly says.

"I'm sorry too. Yesterday should've never happened. None of it."

His deep-blue eyes drop and gaze at me with so much sadness, that I feel the urge to wrap my arms around him. Just kiss and make up. But I don't. I know I'm being cold but I want to make him feel like I did last night. Hurt. Bitchy? Yes, maybe but it's just that...he knows I love him so much and I _begged_ him not to leave me yet he simply didn't care. His pride was more important. More important than _me_.

"I love you, Peyt..."

I try to give him my very best death-glare but it's hard.

"You're lying. You wouldn't have left me if you did."

He sighs. "Are you going to Theresa's party tonight?"

"I don't know." What does this matter? I really don't see the relevance of this question. Does he expect I have forgiven him by then?

"I won't leave it like this. I'll fight for you. For _us _and we'll get through this."

When he steps closer, I turn my head away. "Don't..." I softly order, suppressing a tear.

Then he turns around visibly agonized and walks to the door. Before he steps through, he glances over his shoulder.

"You're my world. My _everything_. Don't ever think that I don't love you. "

I melt and when he has left my porch, I realize that by tonight, I _will _have forgiven him. This revenge I'm seeking...it's not worth to lose him over. He's my world too. _My_ everything.

* * *

I'm in the corner of the big beach house Theresa has rented for her party. Since it's a beach house, it's logically by the sea, near the sea-dyke. Unfortunately, the amazing view is waisted at this bunch of drunken teenagers. There's _a lot_ of hard liquor here. For the moment, I'm waiting for Peyton but I don't know if she'll come. It's like two steps forward, one back with us. Why can't we ever just be happy, without third parties? 

My heart takes a little jump when she walks in. A feather-light, red summer dress dances around her sun-kissed body, pronouncing her curves; she looks even more gorgeous than usual. She doesn't immediately see me and walks into another room. Just as I'm about to follow her, a thoroughly plastered Brooke stumbles my way.

"You know, Lucas," she begins with an awful breath "you're **so** hot. I don't know why I broke up with you." I sigh and try to get her to stand up straight but I'm failing horribly. Finally, I succeed but then, before I realize it, she's eating my lips. I try to get away but she clutches onto my head. She's like a piston, sucking all the air out of me. When I manage to screw her face off mine, I quickly look around the room to see if Peyton's hasn't 'beheld' this. Luckily, she's nowhere to be seen.

* * *

I quickly run outside to escape the crowd, the image. My heart is shattered. Once again. By him. Was this why he wanted me to come? To watch him kiss Brooke? Like some kind of... sick _payback_ for what I did with Chris? Hanging over the barricade of the dyke, I watch the sea. It's sort of like me. Dark and intense. 

"Hi."

I recognize the voice.

"What are you doing here, Chris?"

"I was just...walking."

I turn my head his way. My eyes begin to water when I'm pulled back into the real world. I could pour my heart out but I'm not going to bother him with my problems now; he doesn't seem very happy either. While suppressing a sob, I smash my mouth into his. Strangely enough, I don't feel him responding the kiss; I hope he doesn't notice I'm holding back from crying into his mouth. When I lower my lips to kiss his neck, he grabs my arms and pulls me away.

"Peyton..." he says while I gaze at him confused. "You have to know something... You were right; I'm in love with you." Briefly I hesitate if I should go through with this, if this is fair towards him but I need something to dull my pain.

"I don't care...Just make me feel good." I pull his lips back against mine and kiss him greedily. Not long after, I feel he's giving in but almost with sadness; he must realize I'm using him to ease my hurt. Maybe I'm a bad person for that, _heartless_, but I need him now. I need something to get my mind of Lucas. "We're going home," I say and tug his clothes; he follows me to my car.

* * *

I found her. By the sea-wall. With him. I can't take this anymore; it's killing me inside. Maybe I should just let her go. 


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Sorry for the lack of updates but I was on a holiday. Anyway, thanks for the reviews. Reviewers are amazing. Also, I found it flattering to read people like Chris/Peyton in this because it's an uncommon ship. So… I hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

He doesn't exactly know how long he's been awake. Certainly a couple of hours. Those were filled with brooding stares so apparently, she's rubbing off on him. He stares at his right. From under the white sheet, her curly head sticks out together with a couple of fingers and one of those long legs. His gaze lingers on her for a moment; then he stands up and puts on his clothes. 

He can't find his shirt. It's one of his favourites, with the mug shot of Frank Sinatra. A soft, complaining sound draws his attention to the bed, where Peyton's visible leg slowly disappears under the sheet. On the other hand, her upper body becomes exposed. And it has his shirt. Her obsession with his shirts…she has already stolen his Jim Morrison one too.

As the leather of his belt slides through the buckle, his eyes fall on her drawings. They're above his emotional capability. She's so complex and dark. Not exactly just another groupie. And then between all the grey-shades he sees that spot of red. _Prince Charming_. That thought deserves a cold chuckle. Apart from the half-naked blonde between the white sheets there, Lucas is the most flawed person he's ever met. Treats girls like shit. Although he's probably not one to criticize; he does it himself. Except he can't with Peyton.

But hell, he would like to be able to. He knows she's just using him to forget Charming and she could care less about _him_. She's cruel and selfish. And addicting. He takes on last look at the red, suppresses the urge to rip the drawing to confetti and then disappears downstairs.

* * *

_No_. That's what goes through my mind when a strange feeling tells me I want him next to me when I wake up. He's just there for comfort. To forget about Lucas. You'd think that isn't very hard. After all, he has been ignoring me since he kissed Brooke two weeks ago like I meant as much to him as…As _Nikki._

We might not have been together but we were almost and I feel betrayed. On top of kissing another girl, _he_ gives _me_ the silent treatment. Not that I've really tried to talk to him either. Or Brooke. Yeah, what's her philosophy, by the way? An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth?

Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I stumble downstairs and almost instinctively, a small smile curls my lips when I see that light-brown head and the hands under messing around with my filters. This boy sure loves coffee. I walk over to him and go to sit down next to the coffee machine. The side that's not flooded.

"Hi."

A low grumble leaves his throat.

"What?"

"You have my shirt."

I look down to the light-blue fabric and then back up at him.

"So?"

"I don't _like_ it," he finely says while looking up at me.

"And?"

"And do I need to draw a picture? I want it back!"

"You're being mean."

"Well, I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

When he turns around to march away, I pull him back by his belt and look into his angered eyes. It isn't like I don't _want _to find the reason behind his anger and have a deep conversation but...I'm simply not that Peyton around him. Actually, I'm very selfish with Chris. So instead of being psychiatrist Sawyer, I smash my mouth into his. After about two seconds of returning my kiss, he pulls away and storms off. I jump of the counter.

"What's wrong?" I ask as I follow him.

"Oh, so now you suddenly care about my mental state**? Now that I'm not willing to screw Charming out of your head!**"

I gasp and raise my index finger. "**How _dare_ you talk to me like that?**" I yell as he opens my back door. "**Chris, come back!**" He must be pretty pissed off to leave my house half-naked and step into my muddy garden barefoot.

He doesn't listen so I chase him outside. "**You still have to clean your mess!**" Forcefully, I grab his arm and before I realize it, we're both lying on the dirty, wet earth like a pair of pigs. We've fallen in the mud. I'm pissed off like hell but he just laughs.

"Chris, stop laughing!" I order and bow over him. He can't seem to stop; his face is slowly turning purple. "This isn't funny!" I take his head between my hands while his laughter slowly builds off. "Do you hear me? You drive me crazy!" Now he has completely stopped laughing but still holds an amused smile. I look at him and try to suppress the voice that whispers to me he's not just sex anymore.

"I don't know what to do with you," I say a bit desperately and shake my head. "You're obnoxious and blunt and I… And I hate y-"

Then his slushy hands slide in my curls and he kisses me while pushing my chest closer against his muddy one. 'You're falling in love, Peyton' the voice echoes in a menacing manner.

"Well, I like you," he says while slowly leaving my lips. "You remind me of me when I was younger and stupid."

I can't help but laugh and wipe his conceited grin away with my mouth. With every kiss and every time our bodies shuffle, we make each other dirtier. His pants are the worst as my legs slid over every inch of the earth earlier on and are completely covered with mud. Without leaving my body or lips, he goes to sit up straight and I follow his movements.

"No," I say when his hand tries to remove my shirt. Well, _his_ shirt.

"Mine," he says as a spoiled, possessive child. He reminds me he's Chris Keller. How can a person be so annoying? For a goddamn shirt! Then he does something which I really hadn't seen him capable of doing. In a swift motion, he stands up and when I straighten my body surprised, he tosses me over his shoulder like I'm his guitar.

"**Put me down**.** Put me down. Put me down. Put. Me. Down. ****Put me down. Pu…**"

* * *

"Visualizing the duck tape over your mouth right about now," Chris mocks as he walks back into the house. 

Finally, he puts Peyton down on the washing machine.

"I'm going to take a shower while _you_ wash my shirt," he announces.

"What?" she cries out "No!"

Slowly, he bows over and looks her intensely in her eyes, as if he wants to hypnotize her.

"Yes."

"No."

"For once in your life, you're going to do what I ask."

"You never do what I ask either."

"Yes, I do. I have sex with you."

"As if you find that an obligation."

"Uh, whatever," he brushes her comment off "I'm going to shower now."

Like a true acrobat, Peyton wraps her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist before hopping from the washing machine against his body.

"I'm coming with you."

"No."

After faint attempts of wiggling her off only to have her tightening her grip, he finally realizes no one tells Peyton Sawyer what to do and then clutches his arms around her body to support it.

"Fine."

Instead of washing his shirt, she has managed to make him carry her upstairs. So far for trying to get a hold of the power she has over him.

* * *

From between the trees and by the river, people gather in a circle under the influence of the guide, Tom. I instinctively scan the group for Peyton, even though it'd be better to forget about her. It's a strange phenomenon, loving and hating a person at the same time. Right now, the hate part has the upper hand, though. Even though _she_ jumped on Satan –I refuse to call him by his real name anymore- she has stopped speaking to me while she should kneel down to me and beg for forgiveness. 

"OK," Tom begins.

A never-ending explanation follows but from the moment I notice the curly, blonde ponytail I was looking for, I cease to hear a thing. Her jean has holes everywhere, her dark-blue shirt is 'graced' with specks of white paint and the black all-stars on her feet are completely worn. We were told not to dress up to plough through the willows, oaks and river. The rest of the cheerleading squad didn't listen and showed up in mini-skirts and high –now broken- heels.

"Time to pair up!" the guide then cries out. "We'll do it alphabetically. Where's the list?"

Mrs Scagnetti immediately runs to the guide. I sigh when he begins in an awful slow rate 'Lindsay Abbott and Peter Altman…' Why does my name start with an 'S'?

'Leah Ramsay and Aidan Rubin; Peyton Sawyer and Haley Scott; L-"

"Haley's sick, sir," Nathan suddenly speaks up. "She's got a cold."

* * *

The guide squints his eyes; things are getting more difficult. Mrs Scagnetti pitches in and points to the name under 'Haley Scott'. 

"OK, then," he continues "Peyton Sawyer and _Lucas_ Scott."

"No, no, no, no," the blondes simultaneously begin but are cut off by a bellowing voice.

"**Silence! This isn't a playground and you aren't kindergartners. You'll go together and I don't want to hear any comments**."

In reality, Tom just didn't want to complicate things.

* * *

"Lucas, give me the map!" she orders but I'd rather remain wandering inside these woods for the rest of my life than give her what she wants right now. 

"No!" I refuse.

"OK," she sighs "We're lost and _unlike you_, I'm pretty good at map-reading so just give it to me. _Please?_"

What the hell? Every time we go together somewhere, _I_ read the map because she's so bad at it. Then she reaches for the piece of paper.

"Get away from me!" I shout and she backs away with complete disbelief in her eyes.

"**What's your problem?**" she screams when her shock fades away.

"**You and your compulsive cheating!**"

"That's a good one," she laughs coldly after a one second silence and approaches me again until she's less than an inch away from my face. "You push your tongue down Brooke's throat _under my eyes_, but _I_ 'm the cheater?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I'm t- **Lucas!**"

* * *

With every step I came closer; he had to take one back. Result? A moaning blonde boy by the foot of a deserted hill. I now officially have proof that I'm a bad luck charm. First Chris in the mud, now Lucas between the rocks and moss. Keeping it in the nature, though. 

Carefully, I climb down.

"Are you alright?" I ask.

"I think I broke my foot."

"Well," I begin with growing panic. It's not only the possibly broken foot that scares me but his face and arms are covered with cuts, scratches and bruises. "Do you know for sure? Try to move it."

A bestial scream leaves his throat when he does what I ask.

"I have to get help."

"No," he tugs my shirt. "Stay."

"But-"

"Please, Peyt."

_Peyt_… "OK."

* * *

I rest my gaze on her while she softly dips the blood away from my face. 

"What?" she asks.

"I didn't kiss her, you know," I say. "She kissed me."

"You don't have to give excuses. We're even now; I made you roll off a hill."

"It's not an excuse. She was completely drunk, came up to me and kissed me," I explain.

"Oh."

She drips a little bit water on her handkerchief and moves on to the next scratch.

"So you didn't kiss her?"

"No. Why would I? I'm in love with you."

Her hand pulls back together with the healing pressure on the wound on my cheek; I clench my teeth against the stinging feeling. "Sorry," she apologizes and quickly presses the wound again.

"You did kiss Satan, though," I accuse her.

"Yes, I did kiss _Chris_," she puts emphasis on the name but I mean what I said and I don't care if I'm being childish; I'm never calling him by his real name again. Although his real name _is_ probably 'Satan'. "But I though you and Brook-"

"I know. Now at least."

"So everything is just…"

"…a misunderstanding."

"I'm still seeing him."

"I know."

"I'm sorry."

"If I'd stop, would you sti-"

"Peyt..."

* * *

I notice somewhere along our conversation, he has cupped my cheek. Slowly, I lower my wet, blood-spotted handkerchief again. He doesn't react to it. 

"I was just wondering, if I'd stop seeing him now, would you...Would you still have me?" I ask with a little voice. It's unbelievable how I'd just drop everything to be with him time and time again. Nathan, Brooke…There's something different, thought. It truly _wrenches_ inside as I speak out the words.

"Off course b-"

I don't care if I can or can't but I _want_ too. I love him so much it hurts. He's my emotional connection, my saviour and he has meant more to me than any person I've ever known. I just wished I wasn't feeling so guilty right now. Why did that darker pair of blues go through my mind?

I close my eyes; maybe also from the things I don't want to feel, and bow over to kiss Lucas but he puts his fingers against my chest and stops me.

"What?"

"Let me finish. Off course I'll still have you but I know you better than yourself."

"Isn't that's supposed to be a good thing?" I ask confused.

"You're in love with him, Peyt."

My heart briefly stops beating.

* * *

"What? No, I…I-" 

"Yes, you are," I object. "I wish you weren't. But you are."

"B-" My heart breaks when I see she has to restrain herself from crying. I'm not trying to be cruel, just sure.

"I can't be with you right now."

"I don't understand," she says as a first tear rolls over her cheek.

Off course she doesn't. I have a bit trouble understanding myself actually but I need her to figure out this thing with Chris.

J.E. Jones once wrote: "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

So that's what I'm doing: letting her go. I know she'll go to him. And maybe I'm too much into books and quotes but I want to be compared with him and than have her realize that I'm the _only_ one. Stupid? Could be, but I know she'll come back to _me_. I just hope I'll be able to live with the jealousy until that day comes.

I bow over, wipe a tear away and softly press my lips on her cheek. "You will."

"Lucas..." she whimpers and wraps her arms around my neck.

"**Lucas!!! Peyton!!!**" hysterical voices address us. She lets me go.

"**Here!**" I shout as Peyton is obviously incapable of saying something. I see she's busy suppressing more tears. I think this is hurting me more than her. But I can't share her heart. It's the one thing I won't do for her.

* * *

I stayed with Lucas at the doctor's in silence until I offered him a ride but he had already called his mother to pick him up. So I decided to just go home and pout about being rejected. After six months of trying to be together, it's just…_over_. I just wanted to crawl into bed and cry but no such luck. My car has again failed service, hardly ten days after I left it with Keith. I should seriously think about replacement but it's just such an awesome car. 

"Junk on wheels," Chris insults my baby as I sheepishly stand on the sideline. "Well," he continues "Seeing I'm not Prince Charming; I don't know what to do with this wreck."

"Let's just go home," I offer emotionally tired. "I'll call someone tomorrow."

Less than a minute later, I'm in the passenger seat of his car. He drives but at a certain point is forced to stop. A red light. I catch myself staring at him. He has changed. He isn't as careless. I've changed too, but in the opposite way. I'm more carefree since I've met him. He makes me laugh.

And then there it is: that menacing voice that says I'm in love with him. It's backed up by Lucas now. What if they're right? He feels my piercing eyes and looks at me. The red light leaps to green, he tears his eyes from mine and we drive further.

* * *

Peyton sits in her bed but before the blonde has the chance to disappear under her sheets, Chris crawls on top of her and for the first time, she fully realizes what she has put him through. Constantly whining about Lucas when he's there and between the whining, she used him to make the blonde's image go away. 

Then Chris comes closer, kisses her and tugs on her shorts; the beginning of their routine: sex, sleep, fight, sex, banter, sex, sex, fight, sleep, banter, sex.

"Chris," she stops him by cupping his face. "Are you still in love with me?"

He lets himself fall next to Peyton with a displeased expression on his face. His infatuation isn't something he likes to be reminded off even though he's constantly with the object of it.

Then she touches his cheek and leads his head to face her; he slowly turns his body with.

Her hand disappears in his hair and she gently kisses him. She feels he's startled by the huge difference with the way she kisses him otherwise. It's very soft and tenderly compared with her familiar, greedy touches. After about ten seconds, she pulls back.

"Yes," he mumbles reluctantly.

"Good."

"Why? You like me miserable?"

"Do you like me, Chris?"

"No, I find you bossy and annoying," he bluntly answers "I'm just in love with you."

"I think I feel the same."

He suppresses the smile that was about to curls his lips. "You're in love with yourself? Well, I knew you were pretty self-centred b-"

"Chris!" she scoffs. "You're not making this very easy."

"Just say it," he begins teasingly "Say: 'Chris, I'm in l-"

"I hate you! You're awful!" she cries out and taps his chest.

She takes a pause and thoughtfully runs her fingers over his torso until he suddenly kisses her cheek. "Come on." Then he shuffles his lips lower to brush them against hers.

"OK," she gives in. "I can't or don't want to believe it but apparently, I'm in love with you. So now what?"

The question sounded like she knew the answer and he could give in and say 'Charming' but he doesn't. He knows she loves him. She knows she loves him. He knows she has a 'connection' with him but he doesn't want to talk about him right now. "Sex," he half-jokingly answers instead.

The blonde places her hand on her forehead and bites her lip to hold her laughter with red cheeks.

"You're unbelievable," she says. "I meant where do we go from here!_ Emotionally_."

"I don't know; I've never done this before. Kiss me again."

Then for the first time in her life, she does what he asks.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: eerriinn91, LeytonLover3, ElaIY, AngelOfDeath07, mugglette, leytonetreehill, SmuttBear, AdzLovesLeyton, LVRofTristan, speechlesstaylor, LeytonTilEnd, LeytonisHOT, Anberlin, Leytonunit, Katie-baum, kaligator, othstewy, LPforeverNH, baristagrl, mjgchick, JosselynR.: Thanks for the reviews!

Also, I know I had chapter 6 up yesterday already but fanfiction is kind of giving me a hard time and I'm confused lol. It keeps saying 'story not found' and 'chapter text not found'... Anyway, I won't bore you any longer. Enjoy!

* * *

Nathan's only semi-listening to what his brother has to say. He has picked up a few things about Peyton, fall, hill, Peyton, foot, Peyton, misunderstanding, just sprained, …The other half of his brain is with the basketball he's about to throw through the ring. 

"You did _what_?" the brown-haired boy then suddenly shrieks out. After a painfully bad shot, he yanks his head Lucas' way. "I thought _I_ was supposed to be the dumbass out of the two!"

Suddenly, the blonde felt uncertain about his decision.

"We're talking Peyton Sawyer, here," Nathan begins as if he's talking to the most stupid person in the world "dark, intense girl with serious emotional issues that I couldn't handle. She probably thinks you don't love her anymore now."

"I told h-"

"You rejected her!" he cut him off. "What an…_idiotic_ move."

* * *

As I stand here, with Nathan's unbelieving eyes staring at me, I wonder if I was wrong to let her go. What if she wouldn't come back to me? A sudden panic rushes over me and it takes all my strength to not dramatically sigh out my brother's name. 

"Well," Nathan tries to be more understanding when he sees my desperate face "What did she say?"

"What?"

"When you broke her heart into a million tiny pieces, what did she say?"

"She…She cried and whimpered my name."

And she clutched onto me.

"Then what?"

"Then _nothing_. They found us and took me to the hospital. She came with me but didn't say a word."

"Djeez…" Nathan's face deforms in pure irritation. "You're such a **dumbass**!"

Peyton's glazy eyes suddenly flash in front of mine. When she cried, I almost cried along because she was hurting. Because I love her so much. What if I made a huge mistake letting her go?

"Oh, Nate," I then dramatically sigh out his name.

* * *

About two weeks have passed since I talked to Nathan on the Rivercourt and since I've realized how much I messed up. Peyton's with Chris. When we meet in the hall, we greet each other, we talk but it isn't the same. She smiles as if she doesn't really know me anymore. I want everything back to the way it was before all the drama. I want _her_ back. I just hope she figures out what I want from her soon enough. I'm so goddamn unhappy without her. 

My physical and 'idol' - state isn't much better as my mental one. Seeing my foot isn't fully recovered yet, I can't play basketball and because I hurt Brooke, I'm not allowed to sit at the 'elite'-table anymore. It's odd how one's popularity can decrease so fast –in merely ten days I went from popular jock to outsider- when you just hang out with the 'wrong' crowd or no crowd at all.

However, there's something good about being 'banished'. Instead of talking about the subjects of the vain and shallow, I've gone back to more frequently reading books. I'm finishing The Unbearable Lightness of Being for the moment. Actually, I'm reading the last pages as we speak.

* * *

About two weeks have passed since I woke up in a relationship. It was weird the first couple of days. Not in a bad way but also not exactly in a good way. I can tell he's truly in love with me; unlike Nathan, who obviously wasn't but...also unlike Lucas. He always made me feel so special. 

Because I felt I was lacking that feeling with Chris, I impulsively wanted to end things with him, merely a few days after I had started them. But then I realized…A feeling like that comes only but once. The feeling I and Lucas shared. Together, I think we could probably excite it again but… Would I really want to go back there?

I remembered _when_ exactly Lucas made me feel special: mostly the period before the Brooke-sex, between that and when he slept with Nikki.

It were the times when he said my art brought him were he was now, when he believed in my drawings while no one else did, when he took care of me during that night some creep slipped me the date rape drug and simply the way he kissed me. Like I was the one he wanted to kiss for the rest of his life.

I can still recall the first time we talked: how he stood there, with his love-struck puppy eyes, watching me while that big orange-red thing of his lifted my broken car. He was pure. Innocent. Good.

Suddenly it dawned on me: I've just been holding onto an image, a feeling of perfection: Lucas hasn't been that innocent boy for a long time now. Since I've distanced myself from him and looked at him objectively; that has become clearer. Life as one of the Tree Hill elite must've spoiled him. Old Lucas wouldn't have rejected me; he loved me.

Before he entered the basket ball team, he had never had a girlfriend but then he met Brooke. Sex was the beginning of their relationship. Then the one-night stand with Nikki…popularity changed him. He's also constantly surrounded by a pack of brainless jocks and I can't remember the last time I've seen him read in public. But then again…basketball players don't read, right?

My point is that I couldn't and can't let my past be my present. Especially when that past is so flawed. Not anymore. I'm moving on and it's actually feeling kind of nice.

Chris is…Chris. He's innocent, good nor pure. But he doesn't pretend to be something he's not and nothing or no one can ever change him. That's a gift. Plus…His sarcastic, twisted personality makes me laugh and his mocking comments on my sometimes dramatic behaviour teach me how to relativize my problems. Somehow, he managed to make me fall love with him.

He's very much closed though. I'm sure there are many layers to him to discover and I've just begun scratching the first. And then off course you have me and my distant nature…I'm telling you, our relationship is like two one-legged people trying to teach each other how to walk. Or the blind leading the blind. Since neither of us can easily talk about our emotions, our fights are solved by sex. That's not the only thing wrong with us.

Insecurities.

Chris has them; loads and loads of them and I see it. I've seen the same doubt in Brooke's eyes before. Sometimes, when I'm still asleep –or appear to be- I watch him watch my drawings with hate. 'Now We Can Have It'. He loathes the other one, the 'They're Not You'– one, even more; I've noticed by the way he squints his dark blues. I can hardly see them anymore when he looks at that little spot of red. I should take both of them down anyway. Not because he sees them as a threat but mostly because I can't help but feel they've become a lie.

I love Lucas. Always have, always will but I can't help but think he isn't the boy I once fell in love with. I refused to see it for so long but the bitter truth is that while he used to swim against the currency, he's now pulled with.

Since you now know my thoughts, you can imagine my surprise when I walk outside and see Lucas sitting in the sun at a wooden table, flipping through the pages of a brown hardcover. Completely by himself.

* * *

"Déjà-vu," a soft, female voice speaks to me. _Peyton_. "Can I join you?" she asks. 

"Sure."

"It's been a long time since I've seen you alone," she says. "Or with a book."

I smile faintly.

"It must suck that you can't play. You know, with your foot."

I think back about the dream I had after my car accident. I was happy in it. I had basket ball and Peyton. I have neither now.

He drops her off now, _him_. At school. Brings her too. I still hate him but I don't call him Satan anymore because I can see she simply has got him under her spell. He's completely infatuated. That's the thing with Peyton Sawyer: you can be the most uncaring person in the world; somehow she makes you want to protect her because of her dark sides and love her because of her bright ones.

I softly nod. "But you know…Sometimes I kind of feel I lost myself somewhere along the way. And now I have the chance to discover myself again. So it's not that bad, actually. It's nice not to gossip about who made out with whom at which party for once and just be alone."

"That's good, Luke," she says and genuinely smiles at me. "Really good."

My eyes lock with hers. The love that's _always_ there between us shines through in them, but something's different now. They look at me like they did before Chris, before Nikki, before Brooke. The way she's sitting on that bench, with her leather jacket, smiling at me; I opposite her with a book… For a moment, we're like the way we were. Before _everything_.

"I miss you," I let slip out. I shouldn't have said it but that wanting feeling –for the past, for the future, I don't know- just overwhelmed me. I want her. I can't be with her and not be with her.

Her eyes stare back at me confused.

* * *

_Then why did he reject me?_ Maybe he means he misses me but doesn't love me enough to _be_ with me. I don't ask it and just bite my lip. If I tried very hard, maybe I'd be able to banish all our memories. However, I don't want to because the problem with our somewhat dark history is that our beautiful parts…They top the darkness. They top everything. He was the happiest time of life. 

"Lucas…" I shake my curls. Off course I miss him too but...It wouldn't be right to say it.

_Damn it_.

This is almost making me cry. He notices and softly sticks out his hand. I instinctively lay my hand in his palm and drown in his love-struck, puppy eyes. I don't understand. I can tell he loves me. Why didn't he want me? Is he playing games?

I pull my hand away.

"I'm sorry," I apologize and run off while tears built up in my eyes.

Then I cry but I know I'll be alright because…I've finally done it; I've unchained myself from Lucas Scott. I feel like a heavy burden is falling of my shoulder though as I walk away and hear his voice calling me, I also feel _sorrow_.

With the same burden, I can't help but think I've just thrown a part of myself off. An essential part.

* * *

Chris looks up when Peyton spurts past the glittery flyers- which announce the 70's party tomorrow- straight into his arms. Her beautiful, brown-green eyes look up at him with guilt. She presses her lips against his mouth and wraps her arms around his neck without saying a word; she just holds onto him. 

"Sorry," she then softly whispers in his shoulder.

Another silence fills the empty club.

"Did you cheat on me?" he breaks it. "With _him_?"

"No."

"Swear it."

"I didn't cheat on you."

"Sw-"

"I swear."

"OK," he accepts and pulls closer. He knows she's crying because she can't stop loving Lucas. She's crying out of desperation and wonders if he'll ever pass. Chris wonders it too. He believes she hasn't cheated but still, the emotional mess he's holding…It's because of him. Lucas. Like it was two months ago. It's always because of him.

_"Blondie!" he shouts, looks around him and then, when he doesn't see her, disappears to the back. There, a light sobbing draws his attention. He pushes the door and beholds ice-queen Peyton Sawyer crying. _

_"You," she says scoffing after looking up. "Go away. Hit on some married women, you're good at that. " _

_Instead of listening, he plumps himself down next to her. "What's wrong, babe? Facial gone wrong?" _

_"You know_, _anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice.._._"she insults between sniffs." _

_"So it's not the facial?" _

_"It's my dad!" _

_"What happened?" _

_"It's nothing. Just that I miss him and that he isn't coming home for another three months. Now you know, you can go." _

_She isn't telling the entire truth. Her tears aren't just over her father. It's also…Brooke and Lucas. Seeing them together is killing her inside. _

_"I'm sorry." _

_"You're not. You're an ass." _

_He shrugs. "You know, my father was rarely home either." _

_"Really?" _

_"But that probably was because he left me when I was six. He sent me a card on my eighth birthday. That's the last I heard from him." _

_He isn't lying about his father but he couldn't give a rat's ass about that drunken man. It's a solved trauma that now served the purpose of having depressed, hot girls sleep with him. _

_"That's so sad, I didn't know," she cried even louder. _

_"Yes," he begins and shuffles close. Step one. "Most say you should enjoy life but sometimes it just isn't enjoyable, you know?" _

_She nods understanding. Life's a bitch. Love's a bitch. _

_"After a while, it disappoints you," he continues and gazes deeply in her eyes. Step two. "And sometimes… I feel as if the heart was meant to be broken. Don't you?" _

_Again she nods. _

_"In this world of pain and sorrow, maybe once in a lifetime, you'll find someone who'll make you feel wonderful. But what if we're unlucky? What if that someone doesn't come? Or what if you've already lost him?" _

_Upon those words, the image of a tall, blonde boy again shoots in front of Peyton's eyes. _

_"You can go through life alone..." Chris continues "...but when things go wrong, you'll need someone for comfort. Who'll be there?" _

_Peyton's tears follow each other at an even quicker rate now. _

_"No one…" Not Lucas, that's for sure. He's with Brooke. _

_He wipes a tear away. "Don't cry." _

_She looks into his eyes and stops crying. _

_"I'm really lonely …" she admits in a sigh "Aren't you sometimes, Chris? Aren't you sometimes lonely?" _

_He nods innocently. Step 3. Now it's all or nothing. He just has to wait. _

_Her stare lingers into his blues and then she bows over and kisses him. With every brush of her lips, the lonely feeling fades. She crawls even closer but her movements still seem slightly hesitant. Chris quickly takes care of the doubt. Swiftly, he grabs her by her waist and places her on his lap where he deepens their kisses. When his hand disappears under her top, she wraps her legs around his waist and takes her top off herself. _

_Never, not during any kisses, not during the sex, she makes eye contact. Maybe once, accidentally but overall, it's quite obvious to both this is just physical. _

She woke up the next morning, thought about the level of wrongness she had reached but couldn't prevent the wrongness from happening again, even though she had by now figured Chris must be a pro at picking up girls this way. With a tearjerker-speech.

Anyway, Brooke and Lucas were always there with their 'Love you, broody – love you, cheery', her father wasn't. Peyton was sad and he could make her feel better. It wasn't like she was in love so what did it matter if he was a jackass? They repeated their act the following evenings. At first, they did it at Tric, when everyone else was gone. Still, it was risky, so she ended up just bringing him home. And he just kind of stayed there.

Back then, Chris had taken advantage of the weak mental state she was in. Now, he has no clue what to do with her vulnerability. He couldn't help but wonder what the hell he has gotten himself into with this girl. He finds himself feeling things he has never felt before: love, jealousy and _hate_. He hates Lucas. Really hates him. Because _she_ loves him. Because he would know what to do with her.

It'd be better to end things. Peyton knows that; Chris knows that. They aren't right.

Then Peyton pulls back and stares at him with her big hazel eyes.

"I'm wrong for you," he says and offers her a way out.

Then she rests her hand on his cheek and almost invisibly shrugs. "I'm wrong for you too."

That wasn't exactly what he expected. As she comes nearer and softly smiles, he catches himself cupping her cheek too. These instinctive, loving gestures...They're very new and scary.

"So… can't we be wrong together?" she asks almost whispering into his lips before kissing them.

And he kisses her back against better judgement.

* * *

I'm a guy but yesterday, when Peyton ran away from me, I had the hardest time not to weep like a little girl. 

I feel amputated, like I've lost a part of myself. And scared. Scared and lost. I've driven the girl of my dreams into another guys' arms and she seems perfectly pleased there! Awful. This whole godforsaken affaire is plain awful.

"Lucas!" a deep voice suddenly walks into my room. _Damn it_, why won't he just let me be miserable?

"Get dressed, man; you need to go to that party."

"No. Peyton and Chris are going to be there."

"That's why you have to go, dumbass."

I don't like his new nickname for me.

"Why? To drink my misery away?"

"Listen," Nathan then explains. "I'm not supposed to tell you this but Chris talks to Haley. And he's insecure about you, Luke. Really insecure. Kind of like Brooke was with you and Peyton."

I stare in front of me thoughtful. "But she's _in love_ with him," I say in a nagging tone.

"Yes, but she would've been with you if you hadn't released your mind games on her."

"Whatever," I then pout. I don't care if I'm being weak. I'm sick of being strong Lucas. Look where it has gotten me. "Go away."

Suddenly, his hand hits the back of my head quite hard.

"Ouch!" I cry out angered. "Why did you do that for?"

"I'm smacking some sense into your whiny ass. If you want to get her back, you'll have to man up. Now get dressed, god damn it. But first take a shower, you stink."

When my lips begin to fold themselves into a pout yet again, Nathan insists: "**Now**."

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

A/N : Thank you for the reviews, I really appreciate them :) Enjoy!

* * *

I've sprayed half a can of 'Stay Put Firm Hold' in my already untameable curls and my hair now truly looks like a blonde afro. My dress is very Kylie Minogue in her 'Can't Get You out of My Head'- video. Since my outfit and hair are kind of extravagant, I've toned down my make up a bit…Except for my bright candy-pink lips. Hey, this isn't a hard-rock party or a gala. 

As the finishing touch, I take the party spray Brooke left here once and cover myself in a silver-golden glow before I throw the almost empty can on the bed. Pleased, I check myself out in the mirror and then see Chris' reflection. He has apparently decided to go for that other side of the era: classic rock. I could've done that too but Led Zeppelin shirts and stoned jean are kind of what I wear every day.

"How do I look?" I ask while turning around.

He smiles amused and than that familiar mischievous glance appears in his eyes. "Like you fell into a tub of glitters," he answers.

I sigh and can't help but think about Lucas. He wouldn't say that I look like I fell in a tub of glitters. He'd look at me like I'm the last girl on earth, smile and say that I look absolutely beautiful. But Chris isn't Lucas. Well, if he's isn't going to learn it himself, I'll teach Chris how to be more like him. To be more like Lucas.

"Chris!" I firmly begin. "You're supposed to tell me how good I look."

"I'm sorry. You look stunning…" he reprises.

"Really?" I ask in a small voice.

Don't look at me like that. It's not because I'm Peyton Sawyer that I don't sometimes look for confirmation. Like you reward a dog with a cookie when he has done something good, I reward _him_ with a kiss. I walk closer but before I get the chance to do so, he adds something to his words.

"…for a disco ball."

"You know," I fly back to the mirror where I begin to clean my make-up angered. "You're an ass."

"P-"

"An ass!" I repeat more loudly.

"Peyton," he again tries but I'm not going to turn around. I'm curious about his explanation, though. "You know I think you're beautiful."

OK, that's better. He says it mumbling but it sounds sincere. I stop throwing blush brushes in my make-up bag and catch his eyes through the mirror.

"It's just…"

"Just _what_, Chris?"

"It's just not something I'm used to saying."

"So you mock me instead?"

He shrugs, as if to say 'It's the only thing I know'. I turn around and lead him to the bed, where I take his head between my hands. I truly have to suppress a sigh of desperation when I look into those clueless dark-blues.

"I guess now we know why some mammals eat their children..."

"Well," he immediately reacts "you m-"

"Uh, **no**!" I order and put my hand in front of his mouth.

"So you can insult me but I can't insult you?"

I dramatically lift my hands and look up at the sky. "Hallelujah!** It has seen the light!**"

* * *

"I don't have to look up for that," Chris then says, aiming at her dress. 

Peyton's head lowers again with a demolishing stare in her hazels and opens her mouth to shoot back but before she can protest, Chris' hand disappears in her curly, blonde boll and he pulls her lips against his.

It's not something she didn't know already but he sure can kiss. And long. She throws her arms instinctively around his neck while he helps her to crawl on his lap with her tight mini-dress. After a while, he pulls back. She's a bit disappointed but it's just in time because she had to catch some air anyway. After she filled her lungs again, she wants to go back for round two but he stops her by leaning back a little.

"What?"

"You won't change me," he states and looks up at Peyton, who's rubbing her lips somewhat sadly. Now she'd have to apply a new coat of lipstick. _I'm not Lucas_, he really means with that. But he doesn't like to mention him.

"I know…" It's not like she _wants_ to change him, but there are things that could use some refinement.

Then she bows over and kisses him again. When her eye falls on the remaining, glowing gas; she reaches for it, pulls back from his mouth and sprays it all over him. Most of the shiny flakes get stuck in his hair. The rest float down onto his black shirt.

"I **cannot** believe you just did that," he says appalled after a coughing fit. Glitter is not very Led Zeppelin. But she thinks he deserved it. After all, he called her a living disco ball.

* * *

I arrive at the party alone because Chris left my house sooner. He has to perform. As I take my first steps on the dance floor; everyone turns to see…_me_, really. I think back about Chris' tub comment so I quickly hurry to the bar to escape the crowd's piercing eyes and go sit on a stool. 

Then a very familiar, very underage voice next to me orders a gin-tonic. Off course she gets it. Luckily Karen is on another cooking course. We sit next to each other for a while without exchanging a word.

"You look hot," Brooke then suddenly says between sips.

"Thanks," I reply and shortly glance at her. "You too." Her dress is equally sparkly but orange and with a completely different cut.

"So…" she hesitantly begins "Are you still mad at me? I didn't mean to screw things up for you and Lucas. I was sad and thought a drink could help."

"Did it?"

"No."

I sigh. "No, I'm not mad at you anymore. Come here."

We wrap our arms around each other and then begin to talk as nothing ever happened. She feels I have to catch up on my gossip and also wants to her everything about my relationship(s). When I ask her about hers, it turns out she has a date next Friday. With some guy named Chase. He's supposed to be -in Brooke's words- like Lucas, but dark-haired, more tanned and less of an unreliable snake.

When the tones of 'Let's Groove Tonight' begin to resound through the club, our conversation stops. We lock eyes and then Brooke nods the dance floor's way.

"You wanna?"

I smile and let her drag me under the real disco ball. We made up a dance to this when we were eleven with Brooke's cousins Sara and Michelle. So silly. Nonetheless, the moves are actually kind of complicated and everyone stares at us in amazement as we twirl, jump, wiggle, clap and slide. We must burn everyone's eyes with our light-reflecting dresses.

* * *

I walk in to see my two ex-girlfriends laughing and dancing together on 'Let's Groove Tonight'. If someone had told me lost year I would've kissed both of them I'd probably have laughed at him. They both are insanely gorgeous.

Still, my eyes only hold onto Peyton's image. It's like they automatically zoom in on her and even though I've been in complete misery for the past twenty-four I can't help but smile at her puffed up curls, which are wild as it is, without hairspray.

When 'Earth, Wind and Fire' blends into the Bee Gees, a bunch of Brooke's followers surround her while Peyton sneaks to a stool by the bar. Chris isn't with her. He's probably backstage. I don't go to sit with her. I wouldn't know what to say so I just disappear in a corner and watch her. Not stalkerish at all, right?

* * *

I saw him. About ten people came in but I only saw Lucas. He's wearing a dark-brown Rolling Stones shirt. Obviously, he has chosen for classic rock too. Almost all the guys have. Except for Mouth and Tim. 

Anyway, from the moment he walked in, I've been desperate to hold track of his image. I annoy myself with that. Shouldn't I be over him by now_? Yes_, I feel freer since I walked away from him but the empty feeling he left is still there. It won't leave, no matter how hard I try. No matter how hard I know Chris tries.

Maybe if they weren't so different, it would be easier. You see, fire can't take the place of water. A devil can't be saintly nor a saint devilishly.

I wonder if I were to leave Chris, I'd feel the same.

After a while of just sitting at the bar alone –Brooke has been dragged along with Theresa and Bevin- I briefly rip my eyes away from Lucas and order a drink. When I look back, he isn't there anymore. I immediately begin to scan the room but without success.

A little bit later, when I'm over the disappointment of Lucas leaving and the guilt over my disappointment, I become plain bored and decide to go put on a new coat of lipstick. I left it in the car. Ugh… Now I have to go outside and take it out.

* * *

I'm standing against a wall and look up at the sky. It's a beautiful night. Cold but starry. I'm by the deserted side of the building. Inside, ABBA is in charge to make the dance floor attractive. I had to escape the crowd. My thoughts…After a while of quite subtly staring at Peyton, they just began to _pound_ in my head. Then they changed into worries. And a million questions. But eventually, they came down to one: "What if you really lost her?" 

"Hey."

I look down into her emerald eyes.

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

"Air. You?"

"I, ummm…Lipstick."

I raise an eyebrow at her. Aren't her lips pink enough? I can tell she's a bit embarrassed and smile softly so she'd feel more comfortable.

"I like the rock-look on you," she then says.

* * *

"Thanks," he replies and then takes my image in. He scans me from top to toe. I don't mind being watched like that by Lucas. I never have so why should that suddenly change now? When his eyes reach mine, he sadly smiles. I smile back in the same way. 

Just when I think things can't possible become more nostalgic, our song begins to play. Eric Clapton. '77.

You Look Wonderful Tonight…

When we…snuck around, we'd go places where people wouldn't see us. So we often used the car. In one of our trips, I decided we should have a song because doesn't every great love has one? My want to have a song half a year ago is the reason why we're standing here now with tears in our eyes.

We weren't 'official' but simply ridiculously happy around that time. The time where this seventies song chose us to be its owners. We listened to depressing songs and sang them in a way other people sing 'Happy Birthday'. I drew while he read and we often kissed each other, just kissed, until our lips grew weak.

He breathes in deeply and then walks over to me, his hand pointing my direction. Hesitantly, I lay my hand in his palm. I don't walk closer, he has to lead me into his arms. It's because I feel guilty holding him. I feel guilty just looking at him.

"It's just a dance," he whispers while he slips one arm around my waist, resting his hand on my lower back. "Nothing has to happen."

I softly place my hand on the back of his shoulder. We intertwine our free hands. He closes our distance and rests his cheek against mine very softly. And we dance although we barely move.

I can't help but take in his scent. He's wearing the perfume I gave him for Valentine. Well, _I_ didn't exactly give it; Brooke did. When she was about to go for a fragrance with a protruding tobacco smell, I decided to subtly interfere. The one I picked is lighter. With hints of amber and lavender. He once told me he loved that smell. Lavender.

Then begins to sing along. It's not just humming. And I know his eyes are closed.

_I feel wonderful because I see  
The love light in your eyes.  
_

Our cheeks never left each other. He's close against my skin. So close that I feel him smile through his singing.

_And the wonder of it all  
Is that you just don't realize  
How much I love you._

It makes me cry. I bow my head a bit, raise my hand and wipe a tear away.

"You remember?" he asks whispering in my ear.

I can't talk. He might notice I'm crying. So I just nod.

* * *

I'd tell her not to cry but my eyes are glazy themselves. The memories we have...They remind me of why I'd go through hell for this girl. Because she's _it_. **We**'re it. 

The music stops. We pull back and she just stares at me until her hand cups my cheek. Her beautiful eyes look at me like they always do before she kisses me. But I need her to tell me she loves me. Me and me alone.

"Luke…I…" she softly begins. Maybe this could be it.

"Yes?"

Then her hand pulls away to stop by her mouth where she takes the tip of her thumb between her teeth thoughtful. Her eyebrows deform in a frown; her hazels stare at the ground.

Come on, Peyt…

Briefly, she looks back up at me. The glance in her eyes has changed. They now stare at me like…

Like I'm the boogieman.

Then she turns her head, her body and runs away like I've never seen her running before. Even faster than that time at my father's party. I hear her heels clicking away from me in an impressing speed. But that's what she does. Confronted with her feelings, Peyton Sawyer runs. If there had been a motorcycle here, she would've probably jumped on it to escape even faster. She was so close.

_Damn it_.

* * *

When I turn my head to see if Lucas is out of sight, I slip. My legs fly through the air and then I simply fall on my butt. Hard. 

"Peyton!" Brooke, who just comes out of Tric, immediately runs to me and then helps me get up. "Are you alright?"

"No." I shake my curls as she caringly leads me to a low wall, where we go sit down.

"How come you fell?"

"I ran away from Lucas."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to kiss him. Because I lo-. But I can't. Oh, sorry Brooke," I then apologize "I shouldn't be talking to you about him."

"Oh, please," she waves it away "I'm over him."

"Really?"

"Yeah, kind of," she confirms.

Well, that isn't very fair. How come she can get over him so fast while I'm haunted by him 24/7?

"So you can talk about him all you like."

"I just don't know what to do."

"With what?"

"Well, with Lucas."

"Sweetie, aren't you dating Chris?"

* * *

Her face folds in guilt and misery. 

"Oh, I'm such a bad person!"

"No, you're not," Brooke objects. "Just a bit… _indecisive_." Slowly, Peyton turns her head at her friend and looks Brooke in the eyes long and seriously. Then both girls simply burst into laughter. What an incredible mess this indecisiveness has made over the years…Now even physical pain. One time, in second grade of elementary school, everyone had to pick one of their parents as their heroes for an assignment. Peyton got an F because she couldn't choose between Anna and Larry.

"You ran away from Lucas," Brooke begins after a while, whinnying "and you fell on your ass!"

"It's… not… funny!" she laughs.

"No! It's _hilarious_!"

"You know…." Peyton wipes a tear of laughter away "When Lucas caught me and Chris while we were, you know..."

"I know..." she confirms before falling into another laughing fit.

"Brooke!"

"Sorry," she apologizes and desperately tries to suppress more horse sounds "Continue."

"Well, Chris had bought me these sex toys an-"

A squeal leaves Brooke's mouth before she begins laughing even harder than before. And Peyton laughs along. They suddenly realize the drama that rules their young lives...It's crazy!

"Are you still in love with Lucas?" the brunette asks when they're about all laughed out.

"Yes," she mumbles.

"What? I can't hear you. Speak a bit l-"

"**Yes**." Everything goes silent. "Off course," she adds a bit softer.

"There you go…"

"But I'm also in love with Chris."

Brooke frowns. "You're a difficult one, goldilocks," then she sighs out. "Wait… I have an idea!"

"O-ow…"

"Why do you go 'o-ow'?" the brunette pouts. "I haven't even _shared_ my idea yet."

"Because…"

"Because what? Why did you go o-ow?"

"Brooke!" she cries out and placed her hands on her friends shoulders. "Just tell me your idea."

"Well," she drops the 'o-ow'-issue "You know I feel really alone without my parents in that big house and since you're alone too…Maybe I could stay with you for a while."

"OK…" Peyton slowly begins "That sounds great but how does it solve my _love _problems?"

"For one, Chris –I need a cold shower- Keller isn't going to jump on my P. Sawyer every chance he gets."

"He's not that sex-obsessed," Peyton says. "OK, maybe he is but I don't really notice because I'm just as bad as him. _With_ him. Ugh. I'm confused."

Brooke shortly shakes her head. "Me too but… yes or no?"

"Yes or no, what?"

"Can I stay?"

"Well…" she hesitantly answers "Alright. You can stay with me."

"Yay!" the brunette cries out, stands up and begins to pull her friend along to her car.

"But _you_'re going to tell Chris you're now staying with me. I don't want him to be angry with me."

"Sure," she agrees and intertwines her arms in Peyton's. "I don't care. But remember, I'm lonely and I need my best friend with me at all times. That rules out sleeping over at Chris. So that means…"

"No sex?"

"No sex."

Peyton's eyes pop. Chris and no sex are like Lucas and easy. They don't mix.

"But Br-"

"Eh!" she cuts her off and raises her finger. "No buts. Repeat: Chris out, B. Davis in."

"I'm not going to r-"

"You wouldn't want me to bring up the o-ow thing again, would you?"

"Brooke, I'm not a parrot!"

* * *

"So… why did you go o-ow?" 

I roll my eyes and Brooke smiles teasingly. Just as I'm about to step into her car, someone calls my name and I look over my shoulder.

"Peyton, I've been looking for you e- Have you been crying?"

"I'm just…" Brooke lets us know she's still present "going to sit in the car."

I lean back against a deserted wall further on. He follows and for a moment, we just stare at each other.

"Him again?" Chris then asks.

I don't answer. His frown and lip-bite are signs that he's in deep thought.

"What are you thinking?"


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: This is the last chapter. I hope you enjoy it and thanks to all those who reviewed. You guys rock!

* * *

_"I'm thinking…" he begins "that this should stop. Us. I can't be with you anymore." _

_"**What?**" _

_Hello? Wasn't he the one pining over me? Then why the hell is he breaking up with me? _

_"**Why the hell are you breaking up with me?**" _

_"**Hey, don't yell at me! It's your own fault!**" _

_"**WHAT?**" _

_"**You made me-" **he pauses. _

**_"I made you what?" _**

**_"Nothing," _**_he then says._

_We go silent again. He kisses me very softly and then pulls back. As he's about to turn around, I grab his hand and look at him sadly. Then he kisses me again. Deeper. Why? Didn't he just dump me? What does he want from me? _

_

* * *

_

_When Brooke squints her greens to see what Chris and Peyton are doing, her eyes immediately widen and she sighs. These two… Sex, sex, sex. She presses her lips together irritated, lifts her hand and then lets it falls on the honker. They look up bewildered. _

_After their heart-attacks, Chris firmly places Peyton back on the ground. Then they exchange a few words, Peyton becomes angry and Chris walks away. The blonde steps into the car. _

_

* * *

_

_"He says we'd better not see each other for a while," I announce. "At all." _

_Brooke briefly grabs my shoulder comforting and starts the car. _

_"Look at the bright side….You'll have some space to think about what you really want now." _

_Then it dawns on me: Chris wants me to choose. Lucas wants me to choose. That's why they're all hot and cold. Oh no…choices. _

* * *

The weather's bad where I am. It isn't raining but it's very cloudy and grey. I lean over the barricade that separates the river from me. The wind blows through my clothes and makes my curls float. I gaze over the water. Someone waves at me. A man with a dog. I shortly wave back with a faint smile. 

Where am I? I don't exactly know. Somewhere outside of Tree Hill.

How did I get here? I don't really know either. We ran out of milk, me and Brooke, so I went to get some. But I passed the supermarket and kept driving. Just kept driving, without thinking.

I do know how long I've been here. About a day and two hours. I slept in my car and ate in some brassiere. When I wanted to let Brooke now I was alright, I realized I forgot my cell phone. It's in my room, behind my computer.

A week and one day has passed since I wanted to kiss Lucas. Since Chris ended things because I don't know what I want. There something else besides them that drove me here though. My mom. Yesterday, seven years ago, she died. And I just really need her right now. To talk about my boy troubles.

I know I'll be better tomorrow, though. I'm not going to drive through red lights. I've become a tough cookie. One _without _milk.

Then I decide to do something I should've done a day ago: look for a phone cell. I'll have to call Nathan's number, which –I'm embarrassed to admit -is the only one I know by heart from when we dated. From all the times I called him to see where he was.

* * *

"No." 

Lucas pulls Brooke's phone away from his ear and gives it back. Brooke and Haley share a worried glance. Then Chris walks into the mentally heavy atmosphere. All eyes are on him.

"OK…What did I do wrong now?"

"Peyton. Where is she?" Lucas snaps.

"I don't know."

"She isn't with you?" Nathan asks.

"No, why?" His concern increases when he sees the worried, panicky stares. "**Why?**"

"Because…" Brooke explains "I asked her to go get milk and she never came back. That was yesterday 10 AM."

She knows Peyton has been more miserable than ever this past week. Struggled with her emotions more than ever. On top of all the love drama, yesterday was the seventh anniversary of her mother's death. She tried to cheer her up, but she couldn't. Peyton didn't cry though; she just went kind of…_blank_. Like everything: with Lucas, with Chris, with her absent father…And her mother…like it had beaten her.

_What if something happened? _

None of the teenagers have already posed this question out loud though. They're scared that if they would, it'd become reality.

* * *

I bite my nails without noticing. Tears well up in my eyes but I don't feel them. There's just one thing going through my mind: Peyton, Peyton, Peyton… I'm so scared. So guilty. What have I done? She isn't known for her mental stability. What if…? It wouldn't be the first time she tried to do something to herself. I already stopped her once from driving herself to death. 

"This is all your fault," Chris suddenly hisses at me.

I've never risen so fast from a chair. My hand clutches around his neck and I pin him against the wall.

"You list-" I begin threatening but am brutally cut off by him pushing me away. Then he jumps on me. He's fuming. But _God knows_ I am too. How dare _he_ accuse me? _Yes_, I'm to blame, but he just as much a factor in this. He broke up with her and didn't _he_ **force** her to choose?

* * *

"**Stop it**!" Brooke yells. 

"Nathan, do something," Haley orders without looking at her husband.

A tortured expression appears on Nathan's face. As he's about to step in, his phone rings. He immediately picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hey…"

"Peyton…" he sighs out, loud enough for the two wrestlers to stop. "Are you alright?"

"Yes. I'm sorry I didn't call earlier."

"You don't know how happy we are to hear something from you," he continues.

"You guys didn't worry too much?"

Nathan looks at the two anticipating girls and the two boys, who are pleading for the phone with their blue eyes. 'Give me'…Lucas hisses while sticking his hand out at his brother. Chris slaps it away and when Lucas slaps him back, Nathan gives them a to-ashes-reducing stare.

"Stop!" Haley orders and gives them both a tap on the head.

"No," Nathan then answers Peyton.

A silence.

"Is Lucas with you?"

"Yes, you want to sp-"

"Chris?"

"Yes, you want to sp-"

"Brooke?"

"Yes, y-"

"Could I please speak to her?"

"Oh, Peyton," Brooke sighs out when Nathan hands her the cell "I've been worrying sick about you."

"Sorry. About your milk too."

"I don't care about the milk," she answers with a small laugh and relieved tears in her eyes. "Just come home now."

"I will."

"So I'll be seeing you soon, right?"

"Yes."

"Love you, P. Sawyer."

"Love you, B. Davis."

* * *

I'm again in my car, driving back to Tree Hill. 

_Lucas_. First talked to him six months ago. I could tell he was a bit intimidated. All outsiders are when they have to talk to someone popular. Still, he immediately opened up to me. Later, he took care for me even though I was a nasty little brat to him. Poor boy. But that's how I know he really loved me. With his good heart, he made me believe in people again.

On top of it all, he made me betray Brooke. The fact that he could do that is huge. I was willing to risk our ten year friendship for him because…I had never met any two people who have what we had. I still haven't but for some reason, we keep screwing it up. Sure, that connection, that feeling only he can excite with me…It's there. I feel it in my heart but…

_Chris_. Never met a guy like him. Lucas' complete opposite. I don't mind. It's actually good. I remember that for a while, I thought I had feelings for Jake. Those feelings were merely there because he was like Lucas inside. Only paler.

That's not the case with Chris. He's unique. Like Lucas opened me up, Chris changed me. With his quirky behaviour, with his philosophies… I'm not the Peyton I used to be. For example: when I told him life is hard, he replied: "Compared to what?" And it made me think about my way of looking at it. At life. Then that incredible musical talent of his. Every time he picks up that guitar, I melt completely. Also, his razor-sharp humour cracks me up, even when I'm supposed to be mad with him. I've learned to accept and now love him.

I drive back into Tree Hill. On the radio, 'Torn between Two Lovers' begins to play. I turn it off. It doesn't fit me anymore. I've made up my mind.

Twenty minutes later, I stop my car and step out. This is going to be hard. I take a deep breath, open the door and look straight into that unique pair of blue eyes. He's been waiting for me. Then he walks up to me and takes me in his arms.

"I'm glad you're OK," he says before pulling back. He looks into my eyes. They radiate pure sadness and guilt.

"What is it?"

"I can't d- I…_God_, this is hard…"

Then he knows I've made my choice. And it's not him. He backs away and just stares at me speechless. This is irreversible. We both realize it. After I'll close that door behind me, we're over. For good.

"I'm so sorry…" Never, in my life, have I apologized more sincerely. I shake my curls.

"So this is it?" he shrugs after a silence. "After everything?"

I walk closer with tears in my eyes. "I want you to know…" My voice breaks "That I won't forget about us. You made my life more beautiful." Softly, I touch his cheek. "I'll miss you and I l-"

"Please don't. Just go…" He looks away from me like he can't even stand me anymore. This is killing me but I can't leave, not just yet. It's hard to let go. My legs, which feel like concrete, remain motionless until he repeats louder, shouting: "**Go!**"

They begin to move. When I reach the door, I briefly stop and look over my shoulder. I hope he won't cry after I leave. But I think he will. I know _I_ will.

I'm right. From the moment, I shut the door; I burst into a crying fit. I hesitate if I'd immediately drive through. I don't want _him_ to see I cried. He could begin to doubt me again so first I go home and just sob, sob and sob until there are no more tears left. It's over and this time, there's no going back. I look around my room where everything reminds me of him and sob even harder.

See…this is why I don't like to choose. The incredible pain and waterfalls leaving your eyes when you have chosen. At least when it's a hard choice.

After about two hours, I've somewhat gotten myself together, with Brooke's help. Off course I'm hurting. That feeling won't leave immediately. I just lost a part of my life. A love lost.

In order to rekindle another.

I take a shower and put my black Ramones shirt combined with my equally black All Stars. I go back to the bathroom to blow-dry my curls. I don't put any mousses, spray or gel in them. I keep them natural; like that, they're very tight. Then I put on my make-up. Dark-brown mascara on my lashes, a hint of pink blush on my cheekbones and a burgundy shade on my lips. After, I throw my brown leather jacket on and leave the house with a 'good luck!' from Brooke.

When I arrive, I slowly push the door and see he's in bed, sleeping. Silently, I take of my jacket and put it in one of the chairs. A snoring sound leaves his throat. It's adorable but I feel a bit guilty. Unlike Nathan, Brooke honestly told me how much everyone had worried about me. _She_ looked very tired too. Emotionally drained.

I step on the bed and walk over the mattress on my hands and knees. As I hang above him, I see my curls fall in his face but he doesn't wake up. He makes a weird sound though and his face scrunches a bit. Maybe my hair's tickling his skin. I move them all to one side so it doesn't bother him anymore.

"Wake up," I whisper in his ear and make myself comfy on his waist. "Come on…Wake up."

Then those blues slowly flutter open.

"Hey," he greets with a drowsy voice.

"Hey."

"I'm glad you're alright."

"So…"

"So…?"

* * *

She comes very close and I hold her by her waist as she bows over. First our foreheads touch and then she softly brushes her nose past mine. 

"So I figured something out."

"What?"

"You're my number one," she whispers even closer against my lips. "My only one."

I smile. For the first time in weeks, I sincerely smile. Then she pulls back to look at me. Her curls, her clothes, her darkish lipstick…She looks the same she did six months ago. I realize what she's trying to symbolize.

A new beginning.

Still, I can't help but think about how intimidating she looked to me in that outfit. If she had crawled onto me like this back then, I'd probably have had to go to the hospital with my HCM. I can control myself a bit better now.

"Did I do alright, Mr Scott?" she then asks.

"You did great, Ms Sawyer."

"So what's the next lesson?"

* * *

The thing with a fresh start is that you begin from scratch. This feels like we're about to share our first kiss. I notice the same nervousness in his eyes. He goes to sit up straight tucks a curl behind my ear. Then he smiles. I shut my eyes as he comes closer to my mouth but his lips first disappear in my neck. They go up all the way to my ear. He lowers to brush them over my cheek. 

"Now we _have_ it," he whispers when he reaches my mouth. Before I have the chance to smile, he brushes his lips against mine.

* * *

I feel her lips open under mine, close with mine and there it is: our first, second kiss. It's soft and sweet. After that gentle touch, I kiss her deeper. More passionate. Suddenly she pulls back. Her eyes briefly gaze into mine, she cups my face and then caresses it with her mouth; travelling every piece of skin with her lips.

* * *

I'm happy that I saw through his strategy. Through _him_. I do have to admit that it will hurt me when Chris will pass me at Tric, with a new girl on his arm. I do hope I somehow taught him to love and even though I now hurt him, I wish that we'll eventually be able to be friends. I'd really like that. 

I won't forget what I had with him. It was fun, new and exciting but the time had come to let him go. He would've ended up miserable with me because although I've tried to, I can't stop loving Lucas. It took me a while to realize it but in the end, it comes down to him and it always will.

* * *

"I love you, Peyt," I say and feel her smile between kissing the side of my forehead and the tip of my nose. She continues her unclear defined path to the birth mark near my eye. When she makes her way down to my neck, I can't take it anymore and pull her mouth back against mine. 

Eventually, we go lay down kissing and press our bodies as close to each other as we can and shut our eyes. We never stop kissing. I tangle my legs into hers. Into her long, long legs. Then we kiss until our lips grow numb. Just kiss. I don't know exactly but I think our lips move against each other for nearly two hours. Until I really have to stop or die of severe dehydration.

I stand up and go to the kitchen. When I come back; she has fallen asleep. I can imagine she's tired. It must've been a hard day for her. I crawl back with her and kiss her forehead.

"I love you, Lucas…" she faintly mumbles after a while, when I'm almost asleep too.

"Peyt?" I then ask softly. "Are you still awake?"

No answer. I smile. Who would've thought? Peyton Sawyer talks in her sleep.

A few seconds later, she turns around to lay flat on her tummy. I slip my hand under her stomach and carefully shuffle her body so I can spoon her. She doesn't even react. That girl would sleep through everything. Off course her body adjusts. Unwarily, she moves a bit higher and her hair tickles my skin but I don't mind. I've never been happier than now, as I kiss her cheek through those golden, curly manes.

As I mentioned before: J.E. Jones once wrote: "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

She was always mine.

* * *


End file.
